IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares working hours of female and male workers in Australia in 2007

The bar chart compares working hours of female and male workers in Australia in 2007
The bar chart compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 worked by
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in the year 2007 in Australia. From the general trend it can be seen that
men
Use synonyms
 have worked doubled than
women
Use synonyms
 but both groups have worked equally over eighty
hours
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 took the lead in
number
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 of
hours
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 worked. 5 per
cent
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 of
men
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 and 15 per
cent
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 of
women
Use synonyms
 have worked 0-10
hours
Use synonyms
 in year 2007. The average
number
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 of working
hours
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 10-20
women
Use synonyms
 took the lead by 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and for the maximum
number
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 of
hours
Use synonyms
 USE SYNONYMS
freedomopportunity
Correct your spelling
freedom opportunity
 It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. that are over eighty, it can be seen that both genders are equally worked contributing 10 %.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 45 per
cent
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 of males and 35 per
cent
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 of females can be seen working 30-50
hours
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 and the working time of 60-80
hours
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men
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 are contributing 20%
while
Linking Words
 female are 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both genders are working but
men
Use synonyms
 can be seen working laboriously as half of the population of
men
Use synonyms
 is working 30-60
hours
Use synonyms
 on average and even more.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, hours, men, women, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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