Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions

Foreign visitors play a crucial role in the economic side of the
country
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because they spend lots of money to buy and enjoy visiting different
places
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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cultural heritage
places
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. Some people think they should pay more money as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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to locals,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
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they visit these
places
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, but others do not agree with
this
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statement. I strongly disagree and will put my argument in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
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with, the reason
as
Change preposition
apply
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why tourists should not pay more
,
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apply
show examples
is that they are not getting
extra
Correct word choice
more
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facilities than locals.
As a result
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, they would feel paying extra money is unfair to them.
Although
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, they like the place they will not visit that place and will not recommend
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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others.
Therefore
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, it will be
big
Add an article
a big
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economic loss for the
country
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.
Furthermore
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, charging more for visiting heritage
places
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to overseas people makes them overwhelming.
In other words
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, they would feel ripped off and may not visit the historical
places
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. Resultantly, they will not learn your culture or may
do
Verb problem
make
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negative comments on social media, which can
ruins
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ruin
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the
country
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’s reputation on an international level.
In addition
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, if charging would be the same, more visitors would come to see the culture of the
country
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which would make
big
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a big
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jump in the economic growth of the
country
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.
To sum up
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, it can be iterated that it should be the same pay rate for visiting heritage
places
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for both overseas tourists and locals not only because it is unfair but
also
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helps to increase visitors in the
country
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, which will help to boost the economic growth of the
country
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.

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Style
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to add complexity and finesse. This could involve using a variety of clause structures, such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, or passive voice, to convey your points in a more sophisticated way.
Content
To enhance task response, ensure that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument in a direct and meaningful way. This could involve more explicitly stating how each point supports your thesis in the introduction and conclusion.
Vocabulary
Use more precise and varied vocabulary to convey your points more effectively. This may include specific terms related to cultural and economic impacts, or more nuanced adjectives and adverbs to describe the effects on tourists and locals.
Balance
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the issue.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction for your essay, making your stance on the issue clear from the beginning.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance and the reasoning behind it.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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