IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more people are leaving countryside to live in cities. Do more advantages or disadvantages of this development for environment

#people #countryside #cities #development #environment
Nowadays, rural are migrating to the
cities
 looking for a better
life
as well as
 improving their living quality. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
, the urban has been improving more than the
countryside
 ,
therefore
 it's important to mention that the
cities
 have more facilities , educational institutions , more job opportunities,good health centres and huge shopping malls.
For instance
, I was born in the
countryside
, I was studying school there, and
then
 I had been studying at university when I moved to the city.The
Countryside
 is a peaceful area and not as polluted as
cities
.
Although
, there are a lot of breathtaking places and views in these regions.
On the other hand
, the
countryside
 is relatively remote, so
this
 situation implies moving to
cities
 .
Also
, deforestation that's occurring in rural areas tends to be more annoying to people there so, they
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
city
life
 more
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 village
life
. As long as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 governments are not giving importance to villages as in the past. In conclusion, people are going towards
cities
 more than before. So, they are trying to improve their
life
, being near to the facilities.
Although
, ensure a good
life
 for their families.
As a result
 of
this
migration
Add a comma
migration,
show examples
 there will be more congestion and crowding in the
cities
 so, governments must encourage people to stay in their villages and improve the
countryside
 into
cities
.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by expanding on how urban migration impacts the environment specifically, as your essay tends to focus more broadly on the general advantages and disadvantages of urban life.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points about the impacts on the environment. Connecting your arguments to environmental outcomes will strengthen your response.
coherence & cohesion
Improve the coherence of your essay by using more transition phrases and clearly linking your points to the environmental theme of the prompt.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and relates them back to the environmental advantages or disadvantages. Consider stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages for a more rounded conclusion.
coherence & cohesion
Introduction provides a clear overview of your essay's direction.
task achievement
You've effectively outlined both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • ecosystems
  • economies of scale
  • public transportation
  • reforestation
  • rewilding
  • biodiversity
  • pollution
  • waste production
  • habitat destruction
  • fragmentation
  • traditional agricultural practices
  • sustainable
  • recycling
  • waste management
  • heat islands
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • rural-to-urban shift
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