Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.
Today
children
spend a lot of time
for
Change preposition
on
computer
working like studying, playing and so on. Correct article usage
the computer
Although
some child psychologists undoubtedly believe that is
beneficial, the
others say that it might be devastating. Correct article usage
apply
While
this
offers a few advantages, there are also
some disadvantages worth considering.
To begin
with, various drawbacks may be noted. In the first place, children
working with computer
conveniently get distracted why because Fix the agreement mistake
computers
computer
are packed with many games Fix the agreement mistake
computers
need
low concentration to play. Correct pronoun usage
that need
As a result
, when they have to focus on a vital problem feel weak. In addition
, they waste time
when they work or play with computer
without any obvious goal. Add an article
a computer
the computer
Therefore
, parents should set a time
limit for computer
working
.
Replace the word
work
On the other hand
, one of the principal benefits of working with computer
is that will stand a better chance Fix the agreement mistake
computers
to find
a good job. Change preposition
of finding
For instance
, according to
a survey Change preposition
apply
on
Change preposition
of
children
Correct pronoun usage
who spent
spent
long hours with Wrong verb form
spend
Add an article
a computer
the computer
computer
in Fix the agreement mistake
computers
middle
and late Correct article usage
the middle
of
childhood years shows that these Change preposition
apply
children
find more
convenient than others. Correct pronoun usage
it more
Furthermore
, these children
dramatically can receive to
a solution, if they play challenging games. For that reason, some Change preposition
apply
computer
games can improve the mind to solve a problem.
Consequently
, working with computer
can be beneficial to find a career and Fix the agreement mistake
computers
also
to solve a problem. However
, it is
might not be suitable for concentration. Unnecessary verb
apply
Moreover
, children
might miss their golden time
of day. Personally
I believe if parents set a Add a comma
Personally,
time
limit and control children
’s activities regarding computer
, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.Fix the agreement mistake
computers
Submitted by hs.abdolhay70 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, showing a logical progression of ideas. However, it would benefit from more precise linking between those ideas and paragraphs to enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to diversify your transitions and linking phrases to avoid repetition and create a more sophisticated flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete but lacks depth in examples and exploration of the topic. Consider expanding on your points with more detailed illustrations and a broader range of arguments.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your advantages and disadvantages. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing to the reader.
Structure
Effective introduction and conclusion that outline your argument well.
Content
Good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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