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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #school #hours #development
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In the
contemporay
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contemporary
 world, the
time
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 spent in educational institutes has been cut off by
cerain
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certain
 developed nations. I personally hold a belief that
this
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 is one of the productive steps
due to
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 its significant benefits. I will justify my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, it has been seen that most of the
students
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 found
scarcity
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a scarcity
show examples
 of the
time
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 for doing any
extra-culicular
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extra-curricular
extra-cuticular
 activities as they have to spend a considerable amount of
time
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 in their schools only. As a
consequeces
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consequence
consequences
, after spending a
long-houred
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long-hours
 hectic day at
school
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 they feel quite
exhoustic
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exhausted
 which
make
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makes
show examples
 them unable to do any other desirable tasks. To cite an example, In a developing country like India, about 85% of the
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school goers
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schoolgoers
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 who
attain
Verb problem
attend
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the
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apply
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full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
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school
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 from 9 AM to 5 PM
showing
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show
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 only 10% participation in sports and other creative activities. In that context, reducing the
school
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 duration not only
provide
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provides
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 plenty of
time
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 to do
exta
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extra
 activities
such
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 as music, arts and sports, but
also
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break
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breaks
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thier monotonus
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their monotonous
 routine and reduces the
study related
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study-related
show examples
 stress among the children.
As a result
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, in
addidtion
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addition
 to bookish
knowlege
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knowledge
, they can get
a
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apply
show examples
time
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 to enhance
thier
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their
 extra skills. Talking about another aspect, cutting educational hours can hinder the study among
students
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. To be specific, it can be
challanging
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challenging
 for the educators to cover the entire syllabus within a short allocated period.
Thus
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, it not only increases the stress among teachers to learn
the
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a
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 bunch of the topics in a single period but
also
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make
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makes
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 it difficult for
students
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 to catch a huge
ontent
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content
 in a single session. From a personal
standpint
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standpoint
,
althogh
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although
 spending
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 hours in
the
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apply
show examples
school
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 makes it problematic for tutors and
students
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 to complete the syllabus on
time
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, I am
leaned
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lean
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 to count
this
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 change as a
beneficial
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benefit
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 that allows the
students
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 to
nourishing
Wrong verb form
nourish
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 their
extra curricular
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extracurricular
show examples
 skills and reducing the
acedemic
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academic
 stress by providing ample
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by margijoshi19 on

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Task Achievement
Focus on ensuring your argument is consistently clear throughout the essay. Although your points are generally relevant, more specific examples could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to the spelling of words. Correct spellings (e.g., 'extra-curricular' instead of 'extra-culicular', 'exhausted' instead of 'exhoustic') and the use of precise vocabulary can improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structures and aim for a mixture of complex and simple sentences to convey your ideas more fluidly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review your essay to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. This will enhance the overall flow and readability of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided an effective introduction and conclusion that presented your viewpoint clearly and wrapped up your argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You logically organized your essay with clear paragraphs for each main point.
Task Achievement
You successfully covered the topic with an appropriate response, presenting a balanced view by discussing both benefits and drawbacks.
Task Achievement
Your use of relevant examples, though could be more specific, helps to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced lifestyle
  • stress and burnout
  • self-directed learning
  • conventional curriculum
  • family bonds
  • academic rigor
  • gaps in knowledge
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
  • extracurricular activities
  • supplement
  • personalized and adaptive learning
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