IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instanly. Why is this ? Is it positive or negative development ?

#people #development
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It is common
about
Change preposition
in
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 the controversial debate that there is an increase in the number of
individuals
 who desire
for
Change preposition
apply
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various benefits
such
 as goods,
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 or even news. In
this
 essay, the writer assumes that the main reason for
this
 issue
due to
 the serious competition to gain
career
Correct article usage
a career
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 path. Thereby,
this
 results in the detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 that
individuals
 have to deal with in the long-term impact.
To begin
 with, the high demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 obtaining the object more quickly without working. It can be explained that
as
Change preposition
apply
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the requirement for applying to
job
Add an article
a job
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as
Correct your spelling
is
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 likely to become unachievable, which might lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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rising
Replace the word
rise
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 in unemployment these days.
Furthermore
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
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the rapid pace of life forced
people
 to obtain
information
 immediately in order to allow
individuals
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
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 up to date with the latest
information
.
As a consequence
,
people
 tend to access properly
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 necessary for their
work
as well as
 leisure.
For instance
, young teenagers in Vietnam often desire
for
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apply
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 instantly
due to
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 demand to possess the object appropriately. As the potential benefits that
individuals
 enable to gain
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 immediately which is aforementioned above,
individuals
 can easily be
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
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 to as it poses a negative impact on human conception. It is undeniable that to accumulate
information
 quickly from various resources,
individuals
 have to undertake a profound process of collecting data, which can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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success. Take
estate
Correct article usage
an estate
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 agency as an example, the managers definitely ask their staff
for obtaining
Change preposition
to obtain
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 the available source of statistics in order to popularize data which relates to
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as location of the land, price or geographical illustration.
Moreover
,
people
 have to
work
 more efficiently and increase
the
Change the word
their
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 productivity to obtain a
deserve
Wrong verb form
deserved
show examples
 occupation. In conclusion, despite the fact that
people
 directly collect
information
 in order to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
Add an article
the demand
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demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work
, it is true that wanting things immediately can
pose
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact on mental and physical health, which extremely affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity and efficiency in
work
 or study.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to improve the logical structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task more directly to improve task achievement. Make sure you discuss both why people want things instantly and whether this is a positive or negative development.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points and make your argument stronger.
Task Response
Addresses the topic of instant gratification and its effects, showing a connection to the task.
Task Response
Attempts to present arguments with examples, such as the estate agency, which helps to clarify your point of view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • rapid advancement
  • instant communication
  • online shopping
  • fast food delivery
  • social media platforms
  • immediate feedback
  • recognition and validation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • decreased patience
  • delayed gratification
  • realistic expectations
  • work ethic
  • unrealistic expectations
  • stress
  • dissatisfaction
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