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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #school #hours #development
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In the contemporary world, the
time
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 spent in educational institutes has been cut off by certain developed nations. I personally hold a belief that
this
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 is one of the productive steps
due to
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 its significant benefits. I will justify my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, it has been seen that most of the
students
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 found a scarcity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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 for doing any extra-curricular activities as they have to spend a considerable amount of
time
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 in their schools only. As a
consequences
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consequence
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, after spending a
long-hours
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long
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 hectic day at
school
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 they feel quite exhausted which makes them unable to do any other desirable tasks. To cite an example, In a developing country like India, about 85% of the schoolgoers who attend
full-timetime
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full-time
school
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 from 9 AM to 5 PM show only 10% participation in sports and other creative activities. In that context, reducing the
school
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 duration not only provides plenty of
time
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 to do extra activities
such
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 as music, arts and sports
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 breaks their monotonous routine and reduces the study-related stress among the children.
As a result
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,
in addition
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 to bookish knowledge, they can get
time
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 to enhance their extra skills. Talking about another aspect, cutting educational hours can hinder the study among
students
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. To be specific, it can be challenging for
the
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apply
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educators to cover the entire syllabus within a short allocated period.
Thus
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, it not only increases the stress among teachers to learn a bunch of the topics in a single period but
also
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 makes it difficult for
students
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 to catch a huge content in a single session. From a personal standpoint,
although
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 spending fewer hours in
school
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 makes it problematic for tutors and
students
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 to complete the syllabus on
time
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, I am lean to count
this
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 change as a benefit that allows the
students
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 to nourish their extracurricular skills and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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the
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apply
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academic stress by providing ample
time
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.
Submitted by margijoshi19 on

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Content Balance
Try to develop both sides of the argument with equally strong points to maintain balance in your essay.
Language Accuracy
Consider revising your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
Examples Enrichment
Enhance your argument by incorporating more varied and specific examples to support your points.
Introduction
Introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, effectively outlining your perspective.
Logical Structure
You've managed to outline your main points and arguments coherently, making the essay easy to follow.
Paragraphing
Good use of paragraphs to organize different ideas, aiding the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced lifestyle
  • stress and burnout
  • self-directed learning
  • conventional curriculum
  • family bonds
  • academic rigor
  • gaps in knowledge
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
  • extracurricular activities
  • supplement
  • personalized and adaptive learning
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