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Band 4

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (services, information, tasks). Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #services #information #tasks #development
In the modern era,there
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a high amount of
people
 who want to attain necessary
things
 immediately
such
 as goods and news.The writer argues that
this
 is a positive development
due to
 bringing about innovation not only in the community but
also
 in the country and the necessary resources to supply to
people
. It can be considered that the effect necessary
things
 on innovation in the country .These
things
 are important sources
such
 as news,materials and goods to supply
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 fields to create positive ways to improve the country.
For instance
 , the industry which is a branch needs as much as material sources to produce goods for consumers and
also
 observe the market by news to develop the economy.
Therefore
,it is easy to understand when
people
 want to gain necessary
things
 immediately Another way can be seen is that the continuously developing ambition in each person becomes more and more
own
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 many
things
.
This
 reason can be known as the same as
people
 want to catch up with age by improving
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
show examples
 and grasp to approach new
things
.
For instance
 ,residents in daily life always need to buy food,water or electricity to support their lives.
Additionally
, it is important for
people
 to attain as fast as necessary
things
 In conclusion,the demand of
people
 to use
things
 in daily life contributes to creating fast delivery

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Create clear and distinct paragraphs for each main idea, and ensure that each paragraph contains a single main point supported by relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your stand on the topic, and that your conclusion summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Avoid general statements and strive to illustrate your points with concrete details.
task achievement
Strive to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overly complex sentences and aim for clarity and precision in your language.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the prompt and provides relevant arguments in favor of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps give your essay a complete structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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