IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instantly ( eg goods, service, news ). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #eg #goods #service #news #development
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In the modern era, people tend to have kinds of stuff immediately
such
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 as mechanises, data and services. In fact, laziness enhanced in personal traits
due to
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 the Industrial Revolution.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon may help other people actively get work.
Along with
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 the development of mass industry, people are gradually aware of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience and tend to shop online.
As a result
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, laziness
also
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 be caused by the acquirement of consumers who admire specific things as fast as possible without doing anything. A prime instance able to identify easily is that on rainy days, to avoid being wet force inhabitants seem to use instant noodles, not like ancestors in the past.
Nevertheless
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,
although
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 it shows the dependence of citizens on the latest technology, it still has a positive face and accidentally creates occupations for others, not only expenses for the business. it can obviously be seen during the COVID-19 pandemic, everyone had to stay at home and only buy limited food and drink, shippers played a pivotal role in
adverting
Verb problem
advertising
show examples
 the expansion of the disease. In conclusion, the appearance of high-tech machines gradually replaces the manual workforce and leaves humanity with laziness.
However
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, it simultaneously creates a job for a large number of residents.

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clarification
Attempt to clarify and expand on your main points more thoroughly. While your essay touches on important aspects of the prompt, it could benefit from clearer explanation and more detailed analysis.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. This can include more transition words or phrases that show the relationship between paragraphs and ideas.
structure
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are fully developed. Your introduction should clearly introduce the topic and your stance, while your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
example
Include more specific examples to support your ideas. Real-world examples or statistical data can greatly strengthen your argument and make your writing more persuasive.
balanced argument
You've done well in presenting a nuanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.
engagement
Your writing demonstrates a good attempt to engage with the topic at hand, showing an understanding of its complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • advent of technology
  • smartphones
  • internet
  • social media platforms
  • online shopping
  • fast-paced nature
  • modern life
  • immediate satisfaction
  • drive innovation
  • efficiency
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
  • erosion of patience
  • impulsive buying
  • shallow consumption
  • interpersonal relationships
  • unrealistic standards
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