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Band 6.5

The way that people work today has changed significantly due to the development of technology. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these changes.

#people #work #development #technology #changes
Some
people
 argue that the
changes
 in the development of
technology
 in the workplace have brought many disadvantages.
However
, I firmly believe these
changes
 seem more advantageous because they make workers able to do their jobs without a limit of distance. On the one hand,
people
couldn’t
Wrong verb form
can’t
show examples
 make a correct line between
work
 and life because of
technology
. Specifically, messengers
such
 as WhatsApp and Kakaotalk are used to talk with friends, co-workers, and family at the same time. They enable
people
 to communicate 24/7 and it happens relating to their jobs even if they already left their workplace.
For example
, Kakotalk is a famous messenger In Korea, but, since it has become popular at the companies, many employees have complained that their senior or colleagues keep contacting them after finishing
work
 time. It is
sure
Correct word choice
certain
show examples
 that
this
 phenomenon has blurred the line between official and private life.
Nevertheless
, there are many advantages of the
work
 environment from the
changes
 in
technology
. One of them is that
people
 can
work
 regardless of where they are. To be specific, if they can’t move because of injury, private reasons, or pandemics, they can choose to
work
 at home or in different places except for their company, where they share enough information about their duty
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 online data or online meetings.
For instance
,
while
 COVID thrived all over the world, my colleagues and I worked at each home
as well as
 shared files through online meetings, with no worries of being contagious.
To sum up
,
while
people
’s
work
 has negative
changes
due to
 the development of
technology
, it is undeniable that the positive aspects far outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by a46615883 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively outlines the advantages and disadvantages of technological advancements in the workplace, presenting a clear stance. To improve, consider elaborating further on each point with more detailed examples and exploring a broader range of impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's structure is clear, with well-defined paragraphs for each main point. Enhancing transitions between paragraphs could provide smoother progression of ideas.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples, like the mention of KakaoTalk in Korea, which adds relevance and depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument and reinforce your stance on the subject.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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