Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#topic #children #countries #effects

Nowadays, the number of

children

who suffer from obesity

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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increasing, particularly in rich nations. There are several reasons that lead to

this

issue, and

this

phenomenon will have

negative

Add an article

a negative

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impact on

children

's health. The forthcoming essay shall discuss the causes and effects of

this

problem. There are many factors which

are involve

Change the verb form

are involved

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children

overweight.

Firstly

children

, who are living in developed

country

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countries

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surely

Add a missing verb

are surely

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surrounded

with

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latest

Change the article

the latest

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technology that

force

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forces

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them to become less mobile. As they are sitting

infront

Correct your spelling

in front

television

Correct article usage

the television

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and playing video games for hours.

Secondly

, their nutrition routines are so unhealthy,

the

Correct word choice

that the

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majority of youngsters consume lots of hidden saturated fat and

Correct your spelling

sugar

suger

Correct your spelling

sugar

in their meals and snacks.

For example

, in the past

children

ate fruits and vegetables for their evening snacks,

however

, today they tend to drink artificial orange juice

instead

of orange. The

children

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

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obese would have

number

Change the article

a number

the number

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impact

Fix the agreement mistake

impacts

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on their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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To begin

with, being excessively fat as a child might affect

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apply

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him

Correct pronoun usage

his

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or her heart function,

also

the

Correct article usage

apply

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disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

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such

blood

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high blood

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pressure and

chlostrole

Correct your spelling

cholesterol

might become an issue from early childhood. Apart from

phisycal

Correct your spelling

physical

disorders, obesity will have

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

impact on their mental health and might lead them to isolation and depression. In conclusion,

due to

the excessive access to modern gadgets in the wealthy nations, the

children

's activities decrease noticeably.

This

lead

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leads

show examples

them to face lots of

phisycal

Correct your spelling

physical

and mental problems. In my opinion, their parents should address some solution in order to solve the problem.

Submitted by Negar_seddigh on Mon May 13 2024

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task achievement

Work on expanding your examples with more details to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Review grammar and spelling to improve clarity and professionalism of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance the readability of your text.

task achievement

You have effectively discussed the causes and effects of obesity in children, showing good understanding of the task.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, setting up and summarizing your main points well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects.others believe it is more importantto give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many parents these days choose to send their children studying abroad. What are the causes? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?