Some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People have different views on
college
students
having part-time jobs
. Some argue that university students
should focus solely on their studies
, while
others believe that taking on part-time work
can provide valuable experience
before transitioning to full-time jobs
. I tend to agree with the latter view, as gaining experience
is crucial for making informed decisions about future career choices.
On one hand, there are valid reasons to support the idea that working part-time jobs
may detract from one's education. For example
, students
should ideally focus on their studies
during college
and consider working only after graduation. Engaging in part-time work
can drain physical energy, making it challenging to stay focused on academic pursuits. For instance
, students
working in hospitality roles may experience
fatigue and mental stress, which could hinder their ability to concentrate on their studies
. Therefore
, it is essential for college
students
to prioritize learning and prepare for securing suitable employment opportunities post-graduation.
On the other hand
, proponents argue that college
students
can benefit from gaining work
experience
in different settings before entering the workforce full-time. In today's job market, companies often seek individuals with a
diverse skill Correct article usage
apply
set
. Working part-time Fix the agreement mistake
sets
jobs
equips young people with valuable skills
such
as social skills
, time management, and financial budgeting — skills
that are not typically taught in college
. Research has shown that students
who worked part-time jobs
while
in college
are more likely to secure permanent employment compared to those without such
experiences. Additionally
, earning their own money enables college
students
to cover their expenses independently, including rent, tuition fees, and living costs. Therefore
, part-time jobs
provide an invaluable opportunity for students
to gain practical experience
and prepare for their future careers.
In conclusion, the question of whether college
students
should work
part-time jobs
is not straightforward. Despite the potential drawbacks of balancing work
with studies
, I believe that part-time employment can offer students
a range of valuable experiences and skills
that will benefit them in the long run.Submitted by kimjy3329 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay's coherence, consider linking ideas more explicitly within paragraphs. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to explore both sides of the argument evenly. While your essay presents a well-argued case for the benefits of part-time work, dedicating more space to discuss potential downsides in detail could strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
You've done a great job of structuring your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, making your position known from the outset.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples and reasoning to support your main points, which strengthens the persuasiveness of your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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