Some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People have different views on
college
Use synonyms
students
having part-time Use synonyms
jobs
. Some argue that university Use synonyms
students
should focus solely on their Use synonyms
studies
, Use synonyms
while
others believe that taking on part-time Linking Words
work
can provide valuable Use synonyms
experience
before transitioning to full-time Use synonyms
jobs
. I tend to agree with the latter view, as gaining Use synonyms
experience
is crucial for making informed decisions about future career choices.
On one hand, there are valid reasons to support the idea that working part-time Use synonyms
jobs
may detract from one's education. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
students
should ideally focus on their Use synonyms
studies
during Use synonyms
college
and consider working only after graduation. Engaging in part-time Use synonyms
work
can drain physical energy, making it challenging to stay focused on academic pursuits. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
students
working in hospitality roles may Use synonyms
experience
fatigue and mental stress, which could hinder their ability to concentrate on their Use synonyms
studies
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, it is essential for Linking Words
college
Use synonyms
students
to prioritize learning and prepare for securing suitable employment opportunities post-graduation.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, proponents argue that Linking Words
college
Use synonyms
students
can benefit from gaining Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
experience
in different settings before entering the workforce full-time. In today's job market, companies often seek individuals with Use synonyms
a
diverse skill Correct article usage
apply
set
. Working part-time Fix the agreement mistake
sets
jobs
equips young people with valuable Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
such
as social Linking Words
skills
, time management, and financial budgeting — Use synonyms
skills
that are not typically taught in Use synonyms
college
. Research has shown that Use synonyms
students
who worked part-time Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
while
in Linking Words
college
are more likely to secure permanent employment compared to those without Use synonyms
such
experiences. Linking Words
Additionally
, earning their own money enables Linking Words
college
Use synonyms
students
to cover their expenses independently, including rent, tuition fees, and living costs. Use synonyms
Therefore
, part-time Linking Words
jobs
provide an invaluable opportunity for Use synonyms
students
to gain practical Use synonyms
experience
and prepare for their future careers.
In conclusion, the question of whether Use synonyms
college
Use synonyms
students
should Use synonyms
work
part-time Use synonyms
jobs
is not straightforward. Despite the potential drawbacks of balancing Use synonyms
work
with Use synonyms
studies
, I believe that part-time employment can offer Use synonyms
students
a range of valuable experiences and Use synonyms
skills
that will benefit them in the long run.Use synonyms
Submitted by kimjy3329 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay's coherence, consider linking ideas more explicitly within paragraphs. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to explore both sides of the argument evenly. While your essay presents a well-argued case for the benefits of part-time work, dedicating more space to discuss potential downsides in detail could strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
You've done a great job of structuring your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, making your position known from the outset.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples and reasoning to support your main points, which strengthens the persuasiveness of your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.