IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

We no longer need to have animals kept in zoos, so zoos should be closed. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is said that some
people
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 believe that should not keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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 anymore. I completely disagree mainly
due to
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 some conservational programs. One of the main goals of establishing
zoos
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 is different programs which are saving endangered species and helping to breed. The majority of eminent, prominent and skilful veterans and biologists are recruited in
zoos
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 and they provide
animals
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 with special care because of meeting their needs.
For example
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, checking an environment of living, suitable foods, regular treatments and the analysis of animal growth. To clarify, having become extinct, some tigers have been saved at a national park in Russia.
Zoos
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 are a fascinating educational place. These are a special ground for all walks of life
such
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 as some
people
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, environmentalists, students, and biology enthusiasts in order to acquire knowledge a step ahead. In
this
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 place, they can benefit from visiting various
animals
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 and being familiar with wildlife closer. It leads to broadening their horizon and better communication with environments. Some
people
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 claim that
zoos
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 are a place for spreading diseases. They insist that some microorganisms live in the external layer of
animals
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,
In addition
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, maintaining the sewage of these
animals
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 gives rise to insect gathering. Both of these results are more likely to increase infections from wild
animals
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 to
people
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.
However
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, I do not think it is a valid idea,
as a result
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 of advancements in technology, powerful detergents have been produced.
Furthermore
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, establishing and maintaining
zoos
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 can be money-consuming for governments. Because these facilities need special staff and particular treatments. I believe it is not a valid idea, governments can allocate these places to a private party. Governments can just observe private organizations without interfering in the
zoos
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’ management. In conclusion, in my opinion, we should keep
zoos
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 because we require them to save
animals
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 which are extinct and different educational programs.

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Grammar and Complexity
Try to provide more varied sentence structures and make use of complex grammatical forms to enhance clarity and fluency.
Vocabulary Enhancement
Include a wider range of vocabulary tailored to the argument you're presenting. Specific terms related to zoology or conservation might add depth to your discussion.
Organization and Development
Ensure that your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be followed by supporting sentences directly relevant to the question prompt.
Supporting Examples Enhancement
While you've provided examples, adding more specific case studies or statistics could strengthen your argument by showing real-world applications and successes of zoos in conservation efforts.
Accuracy
Be cautious of minor spelling or grammatical errors that can distract from your argument. Proofreading can help eliminate these mistakes.
Introduction
The introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic, effectively setting the stage for your argument.
Argument Development
You have successfully provided arguments for the continuing existence of zoos, highlighting their role in conservation and education.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the importance of zoos based on the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conservation efforts
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Biodiversity
  • Captivity
  • Stress or discomfort
  • Unnatural environments
  • Educational purpose
  • Scientific research
  • Ethical concerns
  • Virtual reality
  • Tourism revenue
  • Economic terms
  • Immersive experience
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