Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
indevsuals
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individuals
believe that
Correct article usage
the advancment
show examples
advancment
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advancement
of
technology
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
the number of felonies,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
think it might even
advicated
Wrong verb form
be associated
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
criminal acts. In my opinion,
technology
had a
negitive
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negative
effect on
crime
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the crime
show examples
rate that helped in
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the improvment
show examples
improvment
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improvement
of world
scurity
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security
. As
technology
progress
Change the verb form
progresses
show examples
it is easier for
alot
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a lot
of
compnies
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companies
and banks to utilise accounting systems
te
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to
show examples
ease and speed the financial aspects of any transaction.
This
involves using computers which might be hacked ,through eithir via viral software by connecting to unknown
divices
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devices
such
as
,
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apply
show examples
USB drives or
CD
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CDs
show examples
or
throgh
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through
a
websit
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website
link.
a
Capitalize word
A
show examples
lote
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lot
show examples
of holes
Add a missing verb
are innvolved
show examples
innvolved
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involved
that
eaise
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enable
the week harted people to
commite degital
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commit digital
crimes.
However
,
technology
also
helped in security and
inforcing
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enforcing
show examples
the law. preventing people from
commiting
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committing
any
potantial
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potential
crimes, for
instence
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instance
, clearly
visable
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visible
camra placed in the
conveniant
Correct your spelling
convenience
store corner can prevent shoplifters from steeling
due to
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fear that they might get
cought
Correct your spelling
caught
. In conclusion ,
while
technology
development might open a new
dor
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door
show examples
for a new type of
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
. It
also
,
provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
highly
invaitive
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innovative
ways of improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security other
the
Change preposition
than the
show examples
treditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
lock and key .
Submitted by fatimahalsalman215 on

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Language Accuracy
Work on improving spelling and grammar to enhance clarity in your writing.
Detail Examples
Expand and provide more detailed examples to support your arguments.
Cohesion and Coherence
Use a range of linking words to better connect ideas and sentences for a smoother flow.
Paragraphing
Review and ensure that paragraphing clearly separates distinct ideas for greater readability.
Conclusion Enhancement
Strengthen the conclusion by clearly summarizing both viewpoints alongside your own opinion for a cohesive argument.
Task Response
You successfully addressed the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion.
Relevance of Examples
Good attempt at using technology-related examples to support your arguments.
Essay Structure
Attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
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