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Band 3.5

Your community association wants to build a swimming pool so that inhabitants can enjoy their leisure time. They are considering two possible options whether to build an indoor pool which is more expensive but can be enjoyed year around or to build an outdoor pool. The association wants your opinion. Which choice do you prefer? Explain why you prefer that choice. Also explain the problems with the other choice.

#community #association #pool #inhabitants #leisure #time #two #options #year #choice
In my view, opting for constructing an indoor
pool
 outweighs choosing an outdoor swimming
pool
 for the dwellers. The preference is grounded in multifarious factors that I will delineate in the subsequent sections. To commence, one of the rationales for my standpoint is that building an indoor
pool
 will open
the
Correct article usage
apply
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opportunities for the residents to
excess
Add a missing verb
have excess
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the
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apply
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amusement
to
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all over the year.
Moreover
, even though an indoor
pool
 is more
cost effective
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cost-effective
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,
but
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if we consider the accessibility
then
 the infrastructure cost does not matter.
Apart from
this
, we can build the
pool
 inside the community
center
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centre
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 hall and
extra
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the extra
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fund
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funds
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 can be managed
from
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by
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 the philanthropists in our community. Having a
pool
 in an open space won’t be effective for us, as most of the time in a year our area is covered with snow.
Consequently
, the inhabitants can only enjoy swimming during summer, and maintenance is necessary even
though
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if we do not use it in winter. After considering all the arguments, I assert that building an indoor
pool
 holds a leaning over
swimming
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a swimming
show examples
pool
 in an open area. I appreciate the chance to express my perspective.
Submitted by Lisa Bhuiyan on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, effectively detailing your preference and reasoning. To enhance your score further, try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This could elevate the depth of your response and make it more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try varying your sentence structures and linking words to enrich text flow and cohesion. Your essay is well-organized, but using a wider range of transitions could make the connections between your ideas even smoother.
Logical Structure
You have neatly structured your essay, presenting a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion. This strong structure aids the reader's understanding and engagement.
Supported Main Points
You did well to cover both the advantages of your preferred option and address potential issues with the alternative, which demonstrates a comprehensive approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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