Your community association wants to build a swimming pool so that inhabitants can enjoy their leisure time. They are considering two possible options whether to build an indoor pool which is more expensive but can be enjoyed year around or to build an outdoor pool. The association wants your opinion. Which choice do you prefer? Explain why you prefer that choice. Also explain the problems with the other choice.
In my view, opting for constructing an indoor
pool
outweighs choosing an outdoor swimming pool
for the dwellers. The preference is grounded in multifarious factors that I will delineate in the subsequent sections.
To commence, one of the rationales for my standpoint is that building an indoor pool
will open the
opportunities for the residents to Correct article usage
apply
excess
Add a missing verb
have excess
the
amusement Correct article usage
apply
to
all over the year. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, even though an indoor pool
is more cost effective
, Add a hyphen
cost-effective
but
if we consider the accessibility Correct word choice
apply
then
the infrastructure cost does not matter. Apart from
this
, we can build the pool
inside the community center
hall and Change the spelling
centre
extra
Add an article
the extra
fund
can be managed Fix the agreement mistake
funds
from
the philanthropists in our community.
Having a Change preposition
by
pool
in an open space won’t be effective for us, as most of the time in a year our area is covered with snow. Consequently
, the inhabitants can only enjoy swimming during summer, and maintenance is necessary even though
if we do not use it in winter.
After considering all the arguments, I assert that building an indoor Correct word choice
apply
pool
holds a leaning over swimming
Correct article usage
a swimming
pool
in an open area.
I appreciate the chance to express my perspective.Submitted by Lisa Bhuiyan on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, effectively detailing your preference and reasoning. To enhance your score further, try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This could elevate the depth of your response and make it more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try varying your sentence structures and linking words to enrich text flow and cohesion. Your essay is well-organized, but using a wider range of transitions could make the connections between your ideas even smoother.
Logical Structure
You have neatly structured your essay, presenting a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion. This strong structure aids the reader's understanding and engagement.
Supported Main Points
You did well to cover both the advantages of your preferred option and address potential issues with the alternative, which demonstrates a comprehensive approach to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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