Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or a negative development?
Currently, technological devices have become widely popular in societies, especially
in
youngsters. Many people believe that there are many benefits because of their functions and utilities, Change preposition
among
however
, reliance on technology is a theat
to our growth as human Correct your spelling
threat
beigns
. Correct your spelling
beings
For
this
reason, I staunchly believe that cutting-edge technologies should be carefully used, and their widespread implement
Replace the word
implementation
have
many drawbacks. In Change the verb form
has
this
essay, I will explain my reasons in detail.
To start with, it is clear that
since computers and other types of gadgets have been created, people spent
most of their time on Wrong verb form
spend
the
social media. Correct article usage
apply
Then
, social skills have been asided
Correct your spelling
aided
aside
as well as
interpersonal communication has decreased dramatically. This
means, that humankind has replaced their traditional activities, such
as share
high-quality time with their families, reading, etc. Wrong verb form
sharing
Therefore
, people tend to be more isolated by
leading to more prevalence of mental diseases, exemplified by depression, anxiety, bipolarity, etc.
Change preposition
apply
Additionally
, addiction
rate to smartphones has Correct article usage
the addiction
exponencially
Correct your spelling
exponentially
increase
, and the population use those devices during the whole day. As a Wrong verb form
increased
consenquece
of Correct your spelling
consequence
this
, sedentarism is becoming more frequent as well as
the prevalence of chronic diseases with higher cardiovascular risk. For example
, The American Heart Association recently published that obesity proportion has climbed by 30% due to
lack
of physical activity. Correct article usage
a lack
Besides
, sleep hygiene is not employ
because phones are used almost overnight.
Change the verb form
is not employed
is not employing
To sum up
, technology should be restricted in communities, mainly in children and adolescence
owing to their addiction risk. Replace the word
adolescents
Besides
, ancient costumes and social behaviours should not be replaced by the usage of Correct your spelling
innovative
innovatives
technologies.Correct your spelling
innovative
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coherence cohesion
Be mindful of varied sentence structure to enhance readability.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on examples to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy, while small mistakes might not significantly affect your score, consistent errors can be distracting.
task achievement
Focus on answering both parts of the question thoroughly to ensure a complete response.
coherence cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, establishing your main arguments clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported and accompanied by explanations, though could benefit from more detailed examples.
task achievement
You've engaged with the topic deeply and explored significant consequences of technology usage, demonstrating a good understanding of the issue.