IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Environmental problems should be solved by the government instead of individuals and private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #individuals #companies
In the present age, environmental preservation has become a topic of debate in society. Some people believe that environmental issues should be puzzled out by the government. Whilst others think that it should be tackled by society and industries. I totally disagree with
this
 view and in
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with evidence.
To begin
 with,
Although
 the government exact the growth and development policy in economics to help the country rise, it leads to environmental issues. To illustrate
this
, Thanks to the rise in the economy, many factories are built and appear widely, resulting in an increase in carbon emissions.
Moreover
, many
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
show examples
 do not obey the law enacted by the government which leads to a lack of manpower to preserve the surroundings.
For example
, In some countries, especially in Vietnam,
According to
 the disobedience community rules, the crowd keep throwing trash indiscriminately, and garbage still exists years before being decomposed which causes soil erosion.
Last
 but not least, the lack of crowd awareness is one of the most significant reasons that causes pollution. folk do many things that harm the climate unintentionally without any worry about the consequences.
Consequently
,
this
 attitude will harm the habitat.
On the other hand
, governments can impose some punishments for
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 who disobey the rules.
Therefore
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will be afraid of breaking the law and will gain the motivation to keep their things clean.
For instance
, the authorities can enact a heavy forfeit when a person breaks the law and harms the status intentionally or unintentionally. In conclusion,
Although
 it is believed that governments have the duty to protect the habitat, Personally, I think that everyone has the responsibility to preserve the climate
also
.
Submitted by vananhdo168 on

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coherence
Your essay has a good structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and concluding with your opinion. However, the points are not always logically connected, which can make it challenging for the reader to follow your argument. Try to ensure that each paragraph flows naturally from the one before it.
task
Some of your main points could use more support and clarity. For instance, explain more about how industry and communities contribute to environmental issues, and why the government alone cannot be responsible. Providing more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your argument.
task
In addition to supporting your main points with more evidence, you should also focus on ensuring your main points are fully developed. This will help improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, making your argument more persuasive.
task
You have clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which gives a clear stance to the reader.
coherence
Your essay follows a clear, logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enacting
  • comprehensive
  • allocating
  • large-scale
  • accountability
  • profit motives
  • commemorative
  • global environmental crises
  • international collaboration
  • innovation
  • public-private partnerships
  • sustainable products
  • adapt
  • environmental policies
  • significant funds
  • environmentally beneficial
  • cross national boundaries
  • community or local level
  • responsibility
  • driving market demand
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