As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is a common belief among people that
newspapers
are getting old-fashioned alongside the ever-increasing popularity of the internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
While
some may disapprove of this
because of avoiding electronic device overuse, I hold the opposite view because it provides important news
instantly.
It must be acknowledged that the Internet
version of newspapers
gives us the
access to Correct article usage
apply
the
current events in an instant. In Correct article usage
apply
this
digital era, whenever an event is recorded, it will then
be uploaded to the internet
where the data will be shared to
various social media users. Change preposition
with
As a result
, most e-newspaper readers
will receive the breaking news
almost at the same time it is published, making the internet
the fastest news
delivery. Taking the stock market as an instance, traders can track the changes in the value of the stock they invested in with the online newspaper immediately after a shift was made. For that reason, the internet
serves newspaper Capitalize word
Internet
readers
better with its instant service.
However
, most traditional readers
prefer reading printed newspapers
over its
digital counterparts, since it reduces Correct pronoun usage
their
the
dependence on smart devices. Change the word
their
According to
some studies, excessive screen time can lead to serious damage to the eyes, as the screens emit blue light that can prove to be detrimental to technology users if overused. Therefore
, it is because of this
fear that people avoid utilizing e-newspapers
. This
point is valid, but the issue itself can easily be tackled with a timetable that regulates the time of using electronic devices for activities, rather than just ignoring the existence of smart devices.
In conclusion, printed newspapers
are getting outlived by its
online counterparts, as to the opinion of the writer, since Correct pronoun usage
their
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
supplies
Correct subject-verb agreement
supply
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
readers
with an instant delivery of news
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, the thesis statement could be a little more precise. Consider explicitly stating that you agree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Your essay is mostly well-structured but could benefit from better transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some of your arguments need stronger support. For instance, the explanation on eye damage and timetable regulation can be expanded further to make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task and covered both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your writing is generally clear and easy to read. You have some complex sentences and good vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear framework for your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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