IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #newspapers
It is a common belief among people that
newspapers
 are getting old-fashioned alongside the ever-increasing popularity of the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
While
 some may disapprove of
this
 because of avoiding electronic device overuse, I hold the opposite view because it provides important
news
 instantly. It must be acknowledged that the
Internet
 version of
newspapers
 gives us
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
current events in an instant. In
this
 digital era, whenever an event is recorded, it will
then
 be uploaded to the
internet
 where the data will be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 various social media users.
As a result
, most e-newspaper
readers
 will receive the breaking
news
 almost at the same time it is published, making the
internet
 the fastest
news
 delivery. Taking the stock market as an instance, traders can track the changes in the value of the stock they invested in with the online newspaper immediately after a shift was made. For that reason, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 serves newspaper
readers
 better with its instant service.
However
, most traditional
readers
 prefer reading printed
newspapers
 over
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 digital counterparts, since it reduces
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dependence on smart devices.
According to
 some studies, excessive screen time can lead to serious damage to the eyes, as the screens emit blue light that can prove to be detrimental to technology users if overused.
Therefore
, it is because of
this
 fear that people avoid utilizing e-
newspapers
.
This
 point is valid, but the issue itself can easily be tackled with a timetable that regulates the time of using electronic devices for activities, rather than just ignoring the existence of smart devices. In conclusion, printed
newspapers
 are getting outlived by
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 online counterparts, as to the opinion of the writer, since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
supplies
Correct subject-verb agreement
supply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
readers
 with an instant delivery of
news
.
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, the thesis statement could be a little more precise. Consider explicitly stating that you agree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Your essay is mostly well-structured but could benefit from better transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some of your arguments need stronger support. For instance, the explanation on eye damage and timetable regulation can be expanded further to make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task and covered both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your writing is generally clear and easy to read. You have some complex sentences and good vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear framework for your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
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