IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #newspapers
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It is a common belief among people that
newspapers
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 are getting old-fashioned alongside the ever-increasing popularity of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
While
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 some may disapprove of
this
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 because of avoiding electronic device overuse, I hold the opposite view because it provides important
news
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 instantly. It must be acknowledged that the
Internet
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 version of
newspapers
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 gives us
the
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apply
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access to
the
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apply
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current events in an instant. In
this
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 digital era, whenever an event is recorded, it will
then
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 be uploaded to the
internet
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 where the data will be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 various social media users.
As a result
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, most e-newspaper
readers
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 will receive the breaking
news
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 almost at the same time it is published, making the
internet
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 the fastest
news
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 delivery. Taking the stock market as an instance, traders can track the changes in the value of the stock they invested in with the online newspaper immediately after a shift was made. For that reason, the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 serves newspaper
readers
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 better with its instant service.
However
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, most traditional
readers
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 prefer reading printed
newspapers
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 over
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 digital counterparts, since it reduces
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dependence on smart devices.
According to
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 some studies, excessive screen time can lead to serious damage to the eyes, as the screens emit blue light that can prove to be detrimental to technology users if overused.
Therefore
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, it is because of
this
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 fear that people avoid utilizing e-
newspapers
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.
This
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 point is valid, but the issue itself can easily be tackled with a timetable that regulates the time of using electronic devices for activities, rather than just ignoring the existence of smart devices. In conclusion, printed
newspapers
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 are getting outlived by
its
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their
show examples
 online counterparts, as to the opinion of the writer, since
it
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they
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supplies
Correct subject-verb agreement
supply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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readers
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 with an instant delivery of
news
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.
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, the thesis statement could be a little more precise. Consider explicitly stating that you agree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Your essay is mostly well-structured but could benefit from better transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some of your arguments need stronger support. For instance, the explanation on eye damage and timetable regulation can be expanded further to make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task and covered both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your writing is generally clear and easy to read. You have some complex sentences and good vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, providing a clear framework for your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
What to do next:
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