IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is agreed by determined groups that schools are not as essential as before,
due to
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 the advancement of technology.
However
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, I am inclined to disagree with the respective essay, because the overreliance on content available on the Internet can lead individuals through a fake reality of learning.
In other words
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, despite the advantages of studying from home, schools are crucial for growth, improving and training skills and,
consequently
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, achieving long-term success. Individuals who lack consistent access to in-person education and community engagement are more likely to experience mental and health challenges and learning difficulties,
such
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 as depression, obesity, and slower comprehension. A clear example of
this
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 was during the COVID-19 pandemic when children were unable to attend school, leading to a rise in mental and physical health issues. It is important to emphasize abilities are composted for a set of different approaches, which means that to attain a foster learning and thriving in a future career is crucial a major effort. From my perspective, restricting children to the Internet may lead to a constraint on their knowledge and skill development.
Furthermore
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, it is crucial for them to enhance their communication, problem-solving, and attention to detail skills—something best achieved in an environment that allows meaningful interactions with others.
To sum up
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, I personally believe
that is
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 crucial to a kid's development to attend school in person. It provides an environment where they can discover new talents, learn to navigate challenges, and find effective solutions to their mistakes. I firmly believe that
this
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 interaction is vital for those who aspire to grow and succeed.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your disagreement with the statement, but it could be enhanced by mentioning some of the main points you will discuss, giving the reader a clearer roadmap of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you provide a clear distinction between your main points in separate paragraphs to improve the logical flow. This could involve dedicating a full paragraph to discuss the social aspects of schooling and another one to the educational benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates your opinion well, but consider summarizing the main points made in the body of your essay for more impact. This will help reinforce your arguments for the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear viewpoint, which shows your understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of an example from the COVID-19 pandemic effectively illustrates the impact of not attending school on children's wellbeing, reinforcing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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