IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Topic: The picture shows the process of making wool for different products.

#topic #picture #process #wool #products
The supplied picture illustrates the process by which various products are produced and manufactured from
wool
.
Overall
, there are several significant stages during
this
 procedure, beginning with shearing and cleaning sheep and ending with tufts storing and making different products
such
 as carpets and jackets. It is clearly shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 process incorporates two main sections including farm and factory.
According to
 the diagram, the initial step is to shear sheep and
then
 clean them. After that, the sheep’s
wool
 is dried and
spinned
Correct your spelling
spun
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. Following that, it can be either
stringed
Correct your spelling
strung
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 and recycled or used as
wool
. As can be seen, the
wool
 is tufted by humans.
Following
this
 step is to store any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of tufts, the range of which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 extremely
various
Replace the word
varied
show examples
. In the next step, balls of yarn are made.
Finally
, some of the balls can be used for knitting by individuals and others are used for carpets or jackets.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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task achievement
Try to add more detailed descriptions of the stages and processes involved. For instance, provide more clarity on how the wool is dried or how the tufts are prepared and stored. This will help in achieving a more thorough task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each step in the process is logically connected to the next, conveying a sense of flow. Although the current essay is fairly well-structured, enhancing the logical linkages between stages can improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure, starting from the shearing of sheep and moving logically through to the production of final products. This aids in overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and explained, making it clear how the wool is processed from raw material to finished product.
task achievement
The introduction and overview provide a clear guide to the essay, setting the stage for the detailed processes that follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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