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Band 7.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
A large proportion of
animals
 are on the brink of extinction.
While
 governments and organisations are doing their utmost to reverse the trend, some claim that doing so is a wrongful use of public funds and resources, which strongly contradicts my personal standpoint. Believers who deliberately ignore animal rights and welfare uphold human-centred and ignorant views, suggesting that the existence of other creatures has no visible effect on the lives of human beings, and that tax money currently spent on the rehabilitation of
animals
 should be redistributed to medical fields to improve the wellbeing of humans.
This
 suggestion is not only fundamentally incorrect but can
also
 reflect the root of the life-threatening crisis that
animals
 are facing. What animal rights resisters always fail to realise is that every single creature is crucial and indispensable to biological diversity and the ecosystem. Losing one species may endanger the lives of numerous others, and Homo sapiens cannot be unspoiled.
For example
, the extermination of several insects resulting from human activities has forced bats out of their traditional habitats. The migration of bats has somehow intensified the likelihood of humans being infected by the deadly diseases they carry.
Moreover
,
animals
 like polar bears were seen performing rock climbing to catch birds on the cliff and deep diving to battle with whales.
Thus
, without immediate and effective aid from human society, there will be a disastrous nightmare when biological diversity is significantly diminished. In closing,
animals
 are vitally important to the sustainability and preservation of the planet. The idea that creatures other than humans do not deserve saving is utterly unethical because the effect of losing one species can have irreversible environmental damage to us.Wild
animals
 have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Submitted by yanjinru0827 on

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task achievement
While your essay covers the prompt effectively, providing a clearer and more detailed thesis in the introduction would enhance the clarity of your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea to aid readability and coherence.
task achievement
Adding a few more specific examples and elaborations would make your arguments even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion strongly reinforces the argument and effectively summarises the main points.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-articulated, showcasing a solid understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, making it easy to follow the progression of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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