Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extend do you agree or disagree

According to
the view of public
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
figure
Add a comma
figure,
show examples
lessons should be more fashionable.
For example
, during
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
digital materials
such
as games,
films
Correct word choice
and films
show examples
should be used
instead
of books. And in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
will be given my personal opinion with some examples.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, technic devices can make lessons attractive. It will make people addicted to them. Indeed, there are some like teachers, who are irresponsible
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
their job. To be clear they escape their responsibilities
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
giving
students
permission to watch movies whole lesson.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result they become
entertainment
Replace the word
entertained
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
lose their interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
studying.
Moreover
,
extend
Wrong verb form
extended
show examples
screen time can lead to health problems
such
as contemporary pain in the head. If
students
spend more time
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
looking
Change preposition
at
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
. It may lead to
lose
Change the verb form
losing
show examples
their eyesight.
On the other hand
, with
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
computer
Add a comma
computer,
show examples
we can find any digital materials for our lesson anytime and anywhere. And it is very comfortable same to the teachers and
students
. To be more clear, there are amount of subjects that we can't learn
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
without computers
such
as physics, chemistry, astronomy and of course medicine. Lessons should be studied with some videos
according to
the passage. Especially,
students
should watch examples about planets with their satellites, chemical reactions,
physic
Replace the word
physical
show examples
experiments and organs of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
3D format if it's possible. Because in the future it will be useful.
However
they
almost seen
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saw
have almost seen
show examples
them,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
would not even
shocked
Add a missing verb
be shocked
show examples
or scared, especially in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
sphere. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I can say
technic
Correct word choice
technological
show examples
devices should be used
instead
of books,
although
they have some problems. Why we shouldn't use them if it is useful for our studying and our future.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic. This will give your essay a clear direction from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and restating your position. This will provide a more cohesive end to your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Use real-life examples or studies to make your arguments more compelling and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure your ideas are conveyed more clearly. This includes paying attention to singular/plural forms and the use of conjunctions.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You present relevant points both for and against the use of digital materials in education, which balances the essay.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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