Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extend do you agree or disagree
According to
the view of public Fix the agreement mistake
figures
figure
lessons should be more fashionable. Add a comma
figure,
For example
, during lesson
digital materials Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
such
as games, films
should be used Correct word choice
and films
instead
of books. And in this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
it
will be given my personal opinion with some examples.
Correct pronoun usage
I
Although
, technic devices can make lessons attractive. It will make people addicted to them. Indeed, there are some like teachers, who are irresponsible Correct word choice
However
to
their job. To be clear they escape their responsibilities Change preposition
in
with
giving Change preposition
by
students
permission to watch movies whole lesson. In
Change preposition
As
the
result they become Correct article usage
a
entertainment
, Replace the word
entertained
they
lose their interest Correct word choice
and they
to
studying. Change preposition
in
Moreover
, extend
screen time can lead to health problems Wrong verb form
extended
such
as contemporary pain in the head. If students
spend more time Change preposition
apply
to
looking Change preposition
apply
Change preposition
at
on
Change preposition
at
screen
. It may lead to Add an article
the screen
a screen
lose
their eyesight.
Change the verb form
losing
On the other hand
, with Add an article
the computer
a computer
computer
we can find any digital materials for our lesson anytime and anywhere. And it is very comfortable same to the teachers and Add a comma
computer,
students
. To be more clear, there are amount of subjects that we can't learn them
without computers Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as physics, chemistry, astronomy and of course medicine. Lessons should be studied with some videos according to
the passage. Especially, students
should watch examples about planets with their satellites, chemical reactions, physic
experiments and organs of Replace the word
physical
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
on
3D format if it's possible. Because in the future it will be useful. Change preposition
in
However
they almost seen
them, Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have almost seen
they
would not even Correct word choice
and they
shocked
or scared, especially in Add a missing verb
be shocked
medical
sphere.
In Add an article
the medical
the
conclusion, I can say Correct article usage
apply
technic
devices should be used Correct word choice
technological
instead
of books, although
they have some problems. Why we shouldn't use them if it is useful for our studying and our future.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic. This will give your essay a clear direction from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and restating your position. This will provide a more cohesive end to your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. Use real-life examples or studies to make your arguments more compelling and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure your ideas are conveyed more clearly. This includes paying attention to singular/plural forms and the use of conjunctions.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You present relevant points both for and against the use of digital materials in education, which balances the essay.