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Writing Samples
Band 7

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
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Some people state that the
fact
Use synonyms
 that CEOs of huge corporations have a good income,
while
Linking Words
 their members of staff get paid significantly less, affects employees’ mental health negatively and leads to awful consequences. I agree with the opinion that it is fair for founders to get paid more
due to
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 their wide experience and amount of responsibility.
To begin
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 with, it is a widespread
fact
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 that staff have much lower income compared to their boss (even though they have more hours of
work
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), and having that low salary might lead to losing motivation, apathy, and depression (which even might lead to suicidal decisions, as was exemplified by Japanese statistics).
As a result
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, employees decrease their productivity and activities of the
company
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, by producing bad quality goods. I,
however
Linking Words
, believe that it is essential to have a better salary for the owner of the
company
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. The
work
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 of directors is usually underestimated,
although
Linking Words
 being crucial, they have a number of duties like taking sort of risks, managing the crew, sorting particular offers, and setting the standards for the
company
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. In
fact
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, on these
responsibilities
Add a comma
responsibilities,
show examples
 the
company
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 is usually held.
For example
Linking Words
, if founders cannot harmonize their teams and solve mutual conflicts, the employees working under them cannot
work
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 with high productivity.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
company
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 owners’ salary is fully approved by their efforts.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite the
fact
Use synonyms
 that employees
work
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 more and get less which leads to certain mental disorders, people should not forget that CEOs, as founders, put more effort into their own start-ups.
Submitted by zakirova7ez3 on

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task achievement
You have presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument and included your own opinion, which is excellent. However, try to delve a bit deeper into each point and provide more specific examples and evidence to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is fairly well-organized, try to improve the logical flow between ideas. Use more linking phrases and transition words to help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant arguments and some examples, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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