IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Claim: It is no longer possible for a society to regard any living man or woman as a hero. Reason: The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

#society #man #woman #hero #reason #reputation #anyone #media #scrutiny
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The assertion that contemporary society can no longer elevate any individual as an idol
due to
 the inevitable erosion of reputation under outlets survey is a topic of contention.
While
 some argue the pervasive influence of media
audit
Fix the agreement mistake
audits
show examples
 tarnishes the image of public figures, others maintain true ikons can withstand
such
 challenges and continue to inspire.
This
 essay will delve into both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint on the matter. Nowadays, supporters of the claim that humanity cannot view anyone as a perfection in the modern era often emphasize the detrimental impact of
forums
Change the noun form
forum
show examples
 analysis on well-known people. In today's
hyperconnected
Correct your spelling
hyper-connected
show examples
 world, personages in the broadcast eye are under constant surveillance, leaving them vulnerable to exaggerated criticisms and character assassinations by the platforms.
For instance
, even entities with admirable accomplishments and noble intentions can find their reputations tarnished by sensationalized stories or malicious
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours
show examples
, leading to a loss of public admiration and trust.
Conversely
, proponents of the belief that idols can still exist in today's community argue genuine bravery transcends
outlets
Change noun form
outlets'
outlet's
show examples
 scrutiny.
Therefore
, true gallantries, they contend, are defined by the specific actions, values, and lasting impact on generosity, rather than by any flawless publicized images. Take,
for example
, figures like Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King Jr., whose fearlessness endures despite facing investigation and challenges during their lifetimes.
Thereupon
, these personalities inspire others through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selflessness, courage, and unwavering dedication to noble causes, demonstrating real
valor
Change the spelling
valour
show examples
withstands
Correct pronoun usage
that withstands
show examples
 the test of time and platforms reinspection. In conclusion,
whereas
 media scrutiny poses significant challenges to the perception of
valor
Change the spelling
valour
show examples
 in
fraternity
Add an article
a fraternity
the fraternity
show examples
, I believe genuine heroes can still emerge and be revered. Though the venues may cast shadows on public figures, individuals who embody courage, compassion, and integrity will continue to inspire and uplift society.
Wherefore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, the more authentic heroism is, the more it transcends the fleeting judgments of the channels, resonating with people on a deeper level and leaving a lasting legacy of inspiration and positive change.
Submitted by majid.ebadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
There are minor grammatical mistakes and some awkward phrasings that slightly affect clarity. For example, 'hyperconnected world' could be rephrased as 'our hyperconnected world' for smoother reading. Try to use more natural language and avoid redundancy: 'forums analysis' could be simplified to 'media analysis'.
content development
Provide more specific examples to support the points made. The current examples are somewhat broad and lack detailed analysis of how media scrutiny impacted the reputation of these individuals.
content
The introduction clearly presents the topic and sets up the discussion effectively.
structure
The essay concludes effectively by reiterating the main points and presenting a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: