IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. what extent do you agree or disagree

#universities #students
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It is commonly believed that universities fill all courses with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
identical rates between male and female participants. The writer advocates
this
 campaign
due to
 more opportunities for both genders to attend their ambitious school
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comprehensive development. It is crucial to understand that the same proportions between men and women generate more chances to choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable fields in universities. To explain it
further
, some schools restrict the number of male and female enrollment into a particular department which makes the attendance more competitive, resulting in an inappropriate environment for failing students.
Therefore
,
this
 balance can help students
with choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 their ideal occupations, thereby learning with their full ambition. Another beneficial facet of the equal rate of genders is holistic progress. Take a closer observation in some lessons, women can show a better performance at craftsmanship and persistence compared to men.
Furthermore
, men are typically good at creativity and innovation, so cooperation is necessary to foster the effectiveness of projects at school.
This
 leads to not only professional collaboration skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 opportunities to learn from
colleges
Replace the word
colleagues
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 including weaknesses and strengths
then
 assist each other to develop holistically. In conclusion, there have been more benefits for universities to balance the gender proportions because of
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 possibility
to
Change preposition
of to
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 appropriate environment and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 fully essential skills.
Therefore
, it has been demonstrated that the same amount of male and female students
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 imperative in educational institutes.
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. Using relevant data or a real-world example would make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure all points are thoroughly developed and provide clear, comprehensive ideas. Some arguments in the essay could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next and that your argument flows logically.
coherence cohesion
The introduction gives a clear idea of the position taken in the essay, and the conclusion effectively sums up the arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task adequately, discussing both the benefits of gender equality in universities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • balanced
  • learning environment
  • opportunities
  • perspectives
  • gender stereotypes
  • fairness
  • equal opportunities
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