IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#friendships #place #people #face
In the modern world, with the help of technology,
people
 can have
friends
 from all over the world through many portable devices,
such
 as smartphones and tablets.
However
, it is said that those online friendships are less valuable than
friends
 that we meet in real
life
. From my perspective, I am a strong advocate of
this
 idea, and some justifications for my standpoint will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, there is a higher chance of losing property to
people
 who have many
friends
 on the Internet. In fact, most
people
 lack information about their online
friends
, making it difficult to know whether these
friends
 have good or bad intentions.
Therefore
, many
people
, especially children or elders, can easily be deceived into losing money or precious items.
For instance
,
according to
 a survey conducted in Vietnam in 2022, 200
people
, most of them younger than 15 years old or over 70 years old, had been reported as the victims of online fraud.
Moreover
,
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
friends
 are easier to trust than online
friends
.
People
 tend to believe more in what they can observe in real
life
, and
people
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and reactions in
Add an article
the face
a face
show examples
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 conversations reveal their genuine thoughts.
In addition
, when individuals deeply understand their
friends
’s characteristics and personalities, they can enjoy more supportive
relationships
 that bolster mental health. Not only that, but
this
 relationship will
also
 create lasting memories in your
life
, which are hardly found in online
relationships
. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement that
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
relationships
 are much better than online
relationships
, and I believe that
people
 should be aware of making
friends
 with strangers on the Internet.
Submitted by khoianh2404 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and addresses the topic effectively. To enhance your task response, consider providing a counterargument to show a balanced view before reaffirming your stance.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear, occasionally transition words or phrases could be added to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using 'Furthermore,' or 'Consequently,' can help link your points more seamlessly.
task achievement
Add a few more specific examples or references to studies to make your points more robust and convincing. This will help deepen your arguments and show a thorough understanding of the topic.
structure
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, demonstrating a coherent structure that guides the reader through your main points.
task achievement
You provide clear and comprehensive ideas to support your position, highlighting the risks of online friendships and the benefits of real-life connections with suitable examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-verbal communication cues
  • depth of understanding
  • spontaneous
  • genuine moments
  • shared interests
  • sense of physical presence
  • evolve
  • constant connectivity
  • nurture friendships
  • busy schedules
What to do next:
Look at other essays: