Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Self-employment is becoming a worldwide vogue nowadays compared to working in a
company
or organization.
This
case most likely happened because when it comes to working for ourselves, we can manage our own time,
goals
Correct word choice
and goals
show examples
, and will be more satisfied when we achieve our own achievements. When we’re talking about being self-employed is not only to build another
company
, whilst it could be building a small business, becoming an influencer in social media, etc. Regardless of the positive things that will come after self-employment, there are
also
several disadvantages. Working in a
company
or I would say working for another person constrains us
to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
our own
goals
and achievements. Having a superior above us in a
company
forces us to work as per the mission and vision of the
company
.
Thus
, when there are several
company
goals
that don't meet our objectives, we as an employee still have to do our
job
with the
company
’s chosen objectives.
Therefore
, we can’t give our biggest heart to our
job
because there will be something that bothers us knowing that we could do better than what we did. Another positive thing that could happen when we are becoming self-employed is,
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
will be more satisfied when our achievements are achieved. It would make us, as self-employed, more passionate to develop our own
company
or create other
goals
. Aside from the advantages, becoming self-employed
also
obviously has its own disadvantages. One clear example is looking for an employee that matches our criteria and
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
the same objectives. The sustainability of our
job
is
also
a big challenge considering it would only involve our mind and creativity to boost the growth. When the
company
is considered
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
stuck
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
its development, we have to build another creative idea for its perpetuity, per say, we have to think harder compared to being an employee in other people’s
company
. In conclusion, despite becoming self-employed has its own disadvantages, I genuinely think that self-employment has more advantages to focus on. When it comes to putting our own creativity and eagerness, we will do our
job
in a heartfelt way, and it will
also
influence the result.
Submitted by Selectnames on

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentences that may be too long or complex. Shorter sentences can sometimes improve clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments effectively.
task achievement
The main points are clearly stated and well-supported in the body paragraphs, showing a good level of understanding and analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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