IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science at university. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

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Nowadays, less popularity of
science
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 materials
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
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 has been one of the major issues in many parts of the world. Some experts are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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concerned
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this
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about this
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 issue, because of the development of
nation
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the nation
a nation
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 phenomenon and suggest to counter its negative effects. On the one hand, there are several reasons caused
this
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 matter.
Firstly
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,
science
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 is
a
Correct article usage
an
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 depth
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subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
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 to
study
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 so it is too hard to keep studying
to
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for
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 children. In fact, most
of
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apply
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science
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 projects cannot be deduced results instantly. Admittedly, it
make
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makes
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difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 to
remain
Verb problem
keep
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students
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interest
Wrong verb form
interested
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 in
science
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subjects
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.
According to
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 academic research, a great number of
students
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 who
did
Verb problem
were
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 not interested in
science
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 for
study
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 answered
due to
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prolong to
Wrong verb form
prolonging
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 their
study
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 for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term.
Therefore
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,
complex
Replace the word
the complexity
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 and difficulty of
science
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's traits might lead to
abandon
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abandoning
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science
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-related
subjects
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studying
Verb problem
apply
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.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 numerous effects
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this
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of this
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 issue on society.
To begin
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 with, today societies are being to
techolongy
Correct your spelling
technology
 lifestyle in many parts. In
the
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apply
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other words, sciences would be
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main key
of
Change preposition
to
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nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
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advance
Replace the word
advancement
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. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, as far as many
development
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developing
show examples
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 are concerned, they earn most of
national
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the national
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 revenue from scientific technology
such
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 as computer techniques, automobiles, smartphones and even space
science
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 parts. It is undeniable that, if
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
 want to get national power and be richer than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other nations, they must support a range of
science
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-related materials to university
students
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such
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 as
scholoarships
Correct your spelling
scholarships
,
laboratory
Correct word choice
and laboratory
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fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
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. In short, a
decreaing popoularity
Correct your spelling
decreasing popularity
 of
science
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Use synonyms
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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from
Change preposition
among
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 young people might bring a number of negative influences on society. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut
issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
issue
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.
alothough
Correct your spelling
Although
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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choosing
science
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subjects
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 at university is a serious problem,
it is clear that
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 much
being
Add a missing verb
is being
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 done to fix
this
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 matter. If schools and
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 work together to support
students
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,
this
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 issue will soon be a problem of the past.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay maintains a clearer logical structure by having each paragraph contribute effectively to your argument. Some parts feel repetitive.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction to clearly state both the causes and effects without being too vague. This will help in maintaining clarity throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay more attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Good attempt to address both the causes and effects of the issue with a clear statement of the problem.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph neatly sums up the essay and provides a forward-looking perspective.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reluctance
  • perceived difficulty
  • rigorous assessment
  • real-world application
  • job prospects
  • shortage
  • scientific research
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • workforce imbalance
  • environmental challenges
  • public health crises
  • infrastructure development
  • scholarships
  • grants
What to do next:
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