IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give you.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
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Few people indicate that measures should be taken to avoid a
crime
,
On the other hand
, an array of masses suggests that very few things can be done to prevent the
crime
rates
 in societies. In the following paragraphs, I will describe both views and give my opinion.
To begin
 with, the first group of people says," More actions should be taken to decrease the
crime
rates
. I believe that there are various ways to avoid
crimes
 in our society. Societies can hire a police force to guard the areas as
this
 will provide a sense of security to the residents and
also
 actively reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
rates
. Another way to prevent
crimes
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the" public can conduct some kind of programmes in their areas related to the education on
crime
 topics and that would be beneficial for the individual's survival when they will try to attempt any kind of
crime
. Nowadays,we all have advanced technologies. Technologies like CC TV cameras can be installed in the areas where the
crime
rates
 are higher in number.
This
 will provide evidence towards the criminal who tried to attempt the
crime
.
On the other hand
, other groups of individuals indicate that very few things can be done to avoid
crime
rates
 because they presume that
crimes
 are inevitable in society and despite taking measures, still the
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
 rate is higher and they believe that criminality can be decreased to an extent.
To conclude
, I believe that
crime
rates
 can be reduced if the government
would take
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
responsibility for spreading education-related
crimes
 and their consequences.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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Grammar & Punctuation
There are a few grammar and punctuation mistakes that make your writing less clear. For example, you should use quotation marks correctly, and avoid using them unnecessarily.
Coherence
You need to improve the logical flow of your arguments and ensure that each idea is connected well to the next.
Task Response
Add more specific examples or evidence to support your points. Currently, the support is a bit generalized.
Coherence
Work on your transitions between different points to make the essay more cohesive.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for the structure.
Task Response
Your main points are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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