IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the era of globalisation and modern technology, in some people’s opinion
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed down because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 cruelty.
However
Linking Words
, other individuals believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 can be used
forin
Correct your spelling
for
for in
 wild animal protection.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter.   On the one hand,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are the modern prisons for
animals
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 which should live in freedom are enclosed in small rooms of
zoos
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in most of Kazakhstan’s
zoos
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big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sized
Correct your spelling
big-sized
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as elephants, tigers, lions, rhinos
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. have been living in small cages, without satisfying air conductivity, insufficient cleanup, enough sun and constant noise from people. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, an enormous range of endangered species have been saved and protected  by zoo keepers. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
zoos
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 can be represented as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for wild rare
animals
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.
For instance
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, in Bishkek
city
Add a comma
city,
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 there is a rehabilitation zoo, opened by Vladislav Shevchenko, where wild
animals
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 are rescued from poachers and, treated by zoo workers.  In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some advantages associated with wild animal protection in
zoos
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, I am firmly of the opinion that the negative side outweighs the positive. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it can be argued that in our recent
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 there are no satisfactory conditions for
zoos
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly rephrasing the prompt and carefully previewing the main points that are going to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in discussing the main points. Sometimes, the essay switches between points rather abruptly. Better transitions would improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will help in strengthening your points and making your essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both viewpoints, showing a balanced consideration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, with a thoughtful thesis statement in the conclusion.
task achievement
The example of the rehabilitation zoo and its efforts offers a concrete instance of the positive potential of zoos.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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