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Band 3.5

Developed countries should help poor nations . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #nations
Improvement in healthcare and education is imperative for poor
countries
. In my opinion, the help of wealthy
countries
 is important to give a helping hand to poor
nations
.
Firstly
, the rich
countries
 have an abundance of good quality of life with all the basic amenities. Politicians should play
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 role in helping less developed
nations
 by providing
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 the basics. All the rich land has
proper
Add an article
the proper
show examples
 infrastructure, good education for the younger generation
as well as
 adults, and social security facilities that provide the
citizens
 of that nation with
after retirement
Add a hyphen
after-retirement
show examples
 benefits. The
citizens
 of developed land
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of opportunities compared to the
citizens
 of poor
nations
.
On the other hand
, poor
nations
 find it difficult to take care of their basic daily needs, which causes
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
Change preposition
of disease
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 and the mortality rate is very high for treatable diseases. The politicians of developed and poor
nations
 can create policies to help the less developed
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 and provide every possible help to poor
countries
.
Citizens
 of poor
countries
 should be given the opportunity to work in developed
countries
 through exchange programs. They should be taught some skills that can help them get employment in their country.
To conclude
, I am in favour of
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 kingdom helping the poor
nations
 so that all can live happily on
this
 planet earth.
Submitted by neelima.sharma60 on

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task response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, but it can benefit from including more specific examples. For instance, mentioning actual programs or initiatives by developed countries that have benefitted poorer nations could add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Strengthening the connections between sentences and using more varied transitional phrases will help to improve the logical flow of your essay.
task response
Your ideas are generally clear, but some points could be expanded and clarified further. Try to elaborate more on how the exchange programs work or how politicians can specifically aid poor nations.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well, setting the context and summarizing your stance effectively.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt fully and brings forward a balanced view, focusing on both healthcare and education improvements as vital areas for assistance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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