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Band 4.5

Today more and more peope want things instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news) Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#peope #e #g #goods #service #news #development
Nowadays, the demand
on
Change preposition
for
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 everything is instant and the majority of people believe it will be a positive change
while
 some individuals do not think so.
This
 author thinks
this
 may play a good role
on
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in
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 our lives. It is vital to understand that the internet is more
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
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 so many online services,
such
 as purchasing, and learning, are more evolved.
Due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience and modernity so people expect the internet can satisfy them more by being better and more perfect.
As a result
,
the
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apply
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Shoppe, Lazada, or Tiki nowadays can see the facts so they gain a competitive edge to find and
pleased
Wrong verb form
please
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customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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 by travelling and
up-date
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updating
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 the
ship
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shipping
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 device to waste a short time. Improving purchasing instantly
also
 plays a good role
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human development but it makes a lot of money
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 for unimportant and unnecessary things
instead
 of spending a fortune on pressing problems like pollution problem and charity.
For example
, billions of dollars are spent on improving the fastest
service
. During that time, homelessness, famine,
poverty
Correct word choice
and poverty
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 issues are ignored and
be
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are
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 worse. In the author’s point of view, demanding
on receiving
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to receive
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 goods and
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 instantaneously plays an essential role
on
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in
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 developing the modernity of life. It means that more
offer
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offers
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, more satisfaction that many companies try to identify with.
Consequently
, a huge amount of factories
has
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have
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 a
costumer’s
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costumer
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service
 and demand team to reach a perfect
service
 and it helps them attract a lot of customers.
Thus
, offering
on receiving
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to receive
show examples
 goods immediately helps
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 situation better but
also
 it is quite unnecessary.
Hence
, developing
customer’s
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customer
show examples
service
 is improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern human life.
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task achievement
The essay should delve deeper into why instant gratification is sought after in today's society. Consider discussing factors such as technological advancements, changes in consumer behavior, and societal shifts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and is logically connected to the next. This will improve the overall flow and clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. Real-world examples or data can provide clearer support for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which helps provide a clear structure.
task achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects of the trend towards instant gratification, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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