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Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instantly. Why is this ? It is possitive or negative developmen?

#people #possitive #developmen
Nowadays, the tendency of accessing thing immediately is becoming more common
such
 as goods, information and news .
This
 writer believes that
this
 is a positive development
due to
 bringing competitive race for residents. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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must be understood that
people
 tend to belong
things
Change preposition
to things
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 instantly to satisfy
human’s
Change noun form
human
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demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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. On the grounds that the world is more and more developed, which is the major element to make a busy lifestyle for most of
people
.
Therefore
, it makes the employee
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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manage their schedule
while
 maintaining a
work – life
Correct your spelling
work–life
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 balance and have to participate
a
Change preposition
in a
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competitive variety
Change preposition
in all
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all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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areas
Add an article
the areas
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such
 as education, economy and
serves
Replace the word
service
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.
Moreover
, the advancement of technology make
people
 follow the worldwide trend purpose for catching up with the new innovation and enhancing the competitive edge between companies
for example
 Shoppe ad Tiki, both of it always in the top satisfaction in customers. I contend that having a quick lifestyle can positively impact
on
Change preposition
apply
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mankind.
Firstly
, it brings
Replace the word
competition
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competitive
Replace the word
competition
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becoming
Verb problem
apply
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Change the word
increasing
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increasingly
Replace the word
increasing
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 be a hundred of human leads to the environment workplace
Verb problem
apply
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an upward trend
developed
Verb problem
apply
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.
Secondly
, instant access to information and serves can enhance productivity, convenience and efficiency. It allows for quick decision-making, save time and enables individuals to accomplish more in the daily lives. Taking companies serves in VN
for instance
, ordering groceries online and having the delivered within hours can save time and energy, especially for those with hectic lifestyles. Taking all points into accounts, the growing desire for instant things is fueled by the developed world in technologies and
people
 feel it very convenient and effective

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Clear ideas
Ensure your points are clear and detailed. For instance, instead of saying 'developed world in technologies,' specify how technologies drive this change.
Clear ideas
Avoid vague statements like 'a busy lifestyle for most of people.' Specify what makes their lifestyle busy.
Clear ideas
Work on grammatical accuracy. Some sentences are unclear due to errors, such as 'Therefore, it makes the employee to manage their schedule.' Simplify and correct to 'Therefore, employees manage their schedules.'
Logical structure
Use more cohesive devices, such as 'In addition,' 'Furthermore,' and 'Consequently,' to enhance logical flow.
Logical structure
Check your sentence structure. For instance, 'It is must be understood that people tend to belong things instantly to satisfy human’s demand,' could be revised for clarity.
Relevant examples
The essay contains relevant examples, such as online grocery services and competition among companies.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the essay's main points about instant access and competitiveness.
Supported points
Main points are supported with some relevant details, such as the impact on work-life balance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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