IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

in many countries, governments are interesting in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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In today's modern age, there is a tendency for many
governments
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 all over the world to use new technological methods in order to address the community rather than approach the public in a conventional
way
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due to
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 the increasing demand for use effectively. With the convenience of
time
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 and the sustainability of investment, I totally contend that
technology
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 in terms of politics is a potential development which should be invested.
Initially
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, the reason why
governments
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 in many countries choose
technology
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 as a primary
way
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 to solve social problems is that
this
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way
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 saves
time
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 a lot.
In other words
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, it is an evolution in fostering other critical problems by using saved
time
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 without regarding too much on the only issues in society. To explain, if the
governments
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 receive taxes from people, even poor ones but do not tackle problems
such
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 as crime crises or alarming others well enough, they will be criticized seriously by residents,
however
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, if they complete their role, they will get the belief from people.
Thus
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, the
technology
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 put them ahead by the timing value. Another point worth considering is the stable investment in
technology
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. Spending
money
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 on technological advantage is a good
way
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 to either save
money
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 or approach different communities easily in a nation.
For instance
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,
technology
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 allows the government to identify individuals more easily,
moreover
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, in order to save
money
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, the government have to invest just only expense on technological things but brings a lot of worthy benefits of funding for
governments
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as well as
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 provides the efficiency of catching up with new information for human.
Hence
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, the practical benefits of
money
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 spent on
technology
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 can give a new opportunity for government
in particular
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 and nation in general in order to enhance evolutionary innovation in terms of mechanism. Taking all points into account, one cannot deny the advantageous elements of
time
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 and stable investment. Investing
money
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 in
technology
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 is not only away to approach the public but
also
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 publicize the revolution of the modern world.
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Task Response
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, explaining why governments are interested in new technology and discussing the appropriateness of this spending. However, ensure each point is fully developed with concrete examples for better clarity and support.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make your transitions between ideas smoother. Ensure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next, and all points are clearly connected back to your main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify your ideas more thoroughly to make your arguments stronger. Avoid overcomplicating sentences; instead, try to be as clear and concise as possible while maintaining the depth of your arguments.
Task Response
To score higher on this criterion, support your main points with more specific, detailed examples. This will make your argument more convincing and grounded.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the essay’s main points.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively covers reasons for government investment in technology and discusses the benefits clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, with clear progression from one point to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
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