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Band 5

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg: goods, serice, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #eg #goods #serice #news #development
In the modern era, most
people
 want to have everything immediately
such
 as
goods
,
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and news.
This
 writer believes that
this
 is a positive development
due to
 bringing a better life for
people
. It must be understood that having many options to choose
can
Change preposition
from can
show examples
 positively impact the thinking of
people
.
This
 is especially so if the person has the
goods
 want to buy
such
 as sneakers, clothes and furniture, they will have the motivation to study and work.
In addition
, the beauty of
goods
 will be attractive. Nowadays, the needs of each person increase so they want to buy to increase their attractiveness
such
 as cosmetics and handbags. If many parents had agreed to buy their children their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
goods
, they would have tried to get them.
As a result
, the customer's needs will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
. Another argument worth considering is the
demanding
Replace the word
demand
show examples
 of
people
 to buy many
goods
. The customers trust the products. Many companies do everything to make the advertisements that are become more and more attractive.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the popular items when worn by famous
people
 and
people
 would like to buy and cheap moment with them.
For example
, Jennie is a singer and a model for Chanel
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the global brand uses her image to advertise and are sold out immediately.
Therefore
, the advertisement will
be made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a profit for many companies by the consumption of customers with many items. In conclusion, there are more positive elements than negative as there are clear benefits to individuals who would like to buy everything.
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, ensure your thesis statement directly addresses both parts of the question: why the demand for instancy has increased and whether it is a positive or negative development.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on how immediate access to goods and services brings a better life to people. For example, convenience and time-saving aspects could strengthen your argument.
logical structure
Work on your logical flow between ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows logically from the previous one. Consider adding linking words like 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore.'
relevant specific examples
While you provide some relevant examples, such as Jennie from Chanel, ensure your examples directly support your points about immediacy rather than merely consumer behavior.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
You present clear ideas about consumer behavior and market influences.
relevant specific examples
Your essay tries to connect real-world examples to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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