IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

n many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#n #countries #governments #technology #government #money
Nowadays, the governments in many nations have a trend
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 investing
money
 in new
technology
 to cope with the public. In a civilized society, the range of
invididual
Correct your spelling
individual
 demands is increasing, so the
government
 must enhance
technology
's convenience. In my point of view, I believe that the
money
 which the
government
 spend on new
technology
 is suitable. In recent years,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public amenities, there are lots of
technology
 services to use
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 response to human demand.
In other words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life is more modern than before, so the
government
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 alter facilities and amenities to become technological.
For example
, more and more robots are
produced
Add a missing verb
being produced
show examples
 to help people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do everything
such
 as housework and study.
Moreover
, Robots are considered as
a close friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
a close friend
close friends
show examples
 with people. The main reason is that
technology
 will help people in many fields.
Therefore
, the
government
 investing
money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them is totally suitable because in order to develop the country, the
government
 must catch the development trend in the world that includes
technology
. Another justification is that there are several other fields which are being placed under strain and require
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital disbursement to function. To illustrate, a number of state hospitals in the UK have conducted research on a complete cure for cancer, and it seems that
this
 should be the investment priority. In final words, all aforementioned standpoints lead me to a concrete inference that it is reasonable
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the authorities to spend
money
bettering
Verb problem
improving
show examples
 the Internet provision, but there are ways to allocate the capital more appropriately.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider improving the introduction by outlining the structure of your essay more clearly. This will help readers know what to expect.
task achievement
Provide more concrete and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This adds depth to your essay and shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a logical progression from one paragraph to the next. Use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and present relevant points for discussion, which is essential for achieving a good task response score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, contributing to the logical structure of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay covers the main aspects of the question, demonstrating your ability to provide a complete response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: