In some contries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

People from some nations prefer to buy homes and live there
instead
of paying rent. In
this
essay, I will outline various potential reasons for
this
,
as well as
explain why it is advantageous. İnhabitants’ living space selections cannot be separated from cultural attributes and social structures. Being liable is an undesirable condition,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
people are encouraged to have their own homes by refusing to pay rent price to landlords every month.
Secondly
, causes of increasing demand for owning a
home
arise from
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
expectations of society. People, mostly
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
do not have enough knowledge to evaluate the aggregate economy, have a strong faith in the continuous upward trend of real estate values.
In addition
, in case of an extreme increase in a property’s value, the landlord tends to sell the house and
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
to another, by strengthening the personal economic prosperity.
Therefore
, the intent of buying a
home
and living in it surpasses renting a
home
which enriches others and gives the renter nothing, apart from monthly bills. To
explaining
Wrong verb form
explain
show examples
its’ positive impacts, possessing a
home
is more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
than renting in terms of the lack of dealing with troublesome landlords.
For example
, the property owner sometimes suddenly comes and wants to visit the
home
without letting
know
Correct pronoun usage
us know
show examples
before. Unfortunately, there are not any regulations that protect the occupant from
such
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, even though they are rude and annoying. Reversely, if the denizen of the
home
owns the place where he/she lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
such
unpleasant situations are not experienced,
additionally
it is possible to be more flexible and take action quickly. To illustrate, the renter must ask for the permission of the owner to change something with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
one, like furniture which is old and broken.
However
, individuals who live in their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
have the ability to make decisions and act,
while
renters do not
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, the reasons that owning a
home
is preferable to renting in some cultures stem from not only cultural and social attributes but
also
economic concerns.
Furthermore
, it is enormously beneficial in terms of avoiding bothersome
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with the landlord and being independent and faster.
Submitted by smd1212 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While the essay effectively discusses various reasons for the preference of owning homes and why it might be advantageous, it can benefit from more detailed examples and clearer links between points to strengthen its arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are complex and might confuse the reader. Simplifying sentence structure and ensuring a smoother transition between points will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay successfully presents an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure to follow.
task response
The author covers multiple perspectives, touching on both cultural and economic reasons for preferring home ownership, demonstrating a comprehensive approach to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: