IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays,
fashion
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 and new trends can cost wealth to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans. There are many citizens who look to the growth of the
prices
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 as something normal. It is useful to be aware of
fashion
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 and
prices
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the two viewpoints will be argued. On one hand,
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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 can cost too much money for some individuals. Some of them
are explain
Change the verb form
explain
show examples
 that they looking for quality.
In addition
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, they search for a
a
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apply
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shopping mood
wrer
Correct your spelling
that
 can
provide
Wrong verb form
be provided
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 by luxury brands
such
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 as
Carrtire
Correct your spelling
Cartier
,
lwee
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were
, etc. I like to purchase from these luxury brands
at the end
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 of every year. Just one time per year is enough to buy the gift that I deserve.
On the other hand
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, many public think
this
Linking Words
 rise in
fashion
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prices
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 is fair.
Likewise
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, some think
fashion
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 is important in their lives. To be honest, some
fashion
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 is in big demand in the economy in some countries.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 France, Italy, etc.
Moreover
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,
people
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 love to buy at
wealthy
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a wealthy
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 cost and that shows
people
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 how wealthy they are. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it is their choice where they can buy, yet there are a lot option of shopping points that provide the same product with more quality in a great range of
prices
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. In conclusion,
people
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 have many choices of buying there as wealthy stores and good price stores. They are free to choose. From my own point of view, a lot of
people
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 need more information about
fashion
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. It is better to exchange the experience about it.

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grammar
Work on grammatical and spelling errors to ensure clear communication. Missteps like 'wealth to the humans' and 'wrer' are distracting.
idea development
Clarify your main points and develop them with strong examples. Some points, like the personal experience, need more development to convincingly support the argument.
cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sections of the essay. Use transitional phrases to make connections between points clearer.
structure
Enhance your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should better outline the coming arguments, and the conclusion should more effectively summarize the key points discussed.
paragraph structure
Use paragraphs more effectively by making sure each paragraph covers one main idea that is well-supported and clearly linked to your thesis.
task response
You address both viewpoints as required by the prompt, giving a balanced discussion.
example
Inclusion of personal experience adds a unique touch that is pertinent to IELTS essays.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic gap
  • impractical consumer behavior
  • overspending
  • accumulation of debt
  • materialism
  • superficial values
  • self-esteem
  • self-expression
  • psychological benefits
  • social benefits
  • quality of materials
  • craftsmanship
  • sustainable practices
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