IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that keeping pets is beneficial for longevity while others believe that household animals are not healthy for people to have as companions. Discuss both sides of the argument, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In many parts of the world, domestic animals especially cats and dogs are loved by many individuals.
Pets
Use synonyms
 are very close to people and in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 many people believe that
pets
Use synonyms
 around you increase the lifespan of
humans
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 some people debate that
pets
Use synonyms
 are not healthy enough for
humans
Use synonyms
 as they can contain germs that can be harmful to
humans
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly advocate for the positive impact that
pets
Use synonyms
 are very essential in a human's life as they bring happiness
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our lives. On one Hand, Many
humans
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 think that
pets
Use synonyms
 contain germs that are contagious and they can later cause health issues in a person. Needless to say, without any doubt, some
pets
Use synonyms
 if not taken care can impose a great danger to the health of a human. A study conducted in 2022 revealed that the saliva of dogs has 5.7%
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bacteria around their mouth which when licked by a human can pass the bacteria causing
enormous
Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
show examples
 number of diseases starting from their stomach.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, for these
pets
Use synonyms
 to be stayed away from infants. Five years ago, we had a beautiful
dog
Use synonyms
 which was a husky breed,
However
Linking Words
, we had to give it away to one of my friends because my sister delivered a baby
boy
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, and the doctor warned us to not keep the
dog
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 close to the baby as the
dog
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 can lick the baby and risk his health.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, domesticated animals may come with a few drawbacks, but they
also
Linking Words
 bring a lot of safety and cherishment to the house. In a recent viral video, it was clearly shown that a
dog
Use synonyms
 saved a twelve-year-old
boy
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 from being kidnapped by 2 men who came towards the
boy
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 and tried to force him into the van, that's when their
dog
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 ran and rescued the
boy
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 by biting those men on their leg. In another study, it was revealed that staying around cats lowers the risk of cardiac arrests in
humans
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. In conclusion, Domesticated animals that are not kept clean and hygienic can pass diseases to
humans
Use synonyms
 like stomach infection, viral fever or even hair loss. But by following proper hygiene,
pets
Use synonyms
 bring happiness and extreme entertainment into the house which
further
Linking Words
 keeps the man stress-free.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use clear topic sentences to introduce each main point.
coherence cohesion
Improve the support of main points by incorporating more detailed and diversified examples or studies to strengthen your argument. Diversification adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
Review and ensure a wide range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. Occasionally, overly simplistic sentences can detract from the overall sophistication of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well, contributing significantly to the coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a firm grasp of the topic by presenting both sides of the argument coherently, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as personal experiences and studies, are included to support the main points effectively, showing a good understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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