TOPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?
Nowadays, the individuals' spots in their families have dramatically changed. In
this
report, I will present examples of these changes, and then
I will explain why I believe that it is a negative development.
To begin
with, many transformations were happened
in a variety of chores Change to the active voice
happened
have happened
such
as cooking, working, taking care of children, and cleaning. For example
, in KSA, women used to be responsibile
Correct your spelling
responsible
of
the Change preposition
for
house work
, Correct your spelling
housework
while
men work
to provide money, food, clothing, and personal products for the whole family. Wrong verb form
worked
However
, in
these days, on the one hand, the majority of females work and depend on themselves. Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, males help with cleaning, cooking, and taking care of children. Besides
that, in the past, children used to be engaged, but recently, a report captures that in a lot of countries
Add a comma
countries,
parents
ask them to help their parents
by making their beds and washing the dishes.
Moreover
, although
this
development is helpful, useful, strategic, beneficial, and profitable, it leads to many issues. To illustrate that, many articles show that a lot of families depend on house keepers
because both the mother and the father are workers, so they do not have enough time to do their chores. Correct your spelling
housekeepers
Additionally
, some people share on the internet that because the parents
have jobs, they keep their babies with strangers to take care of them which is extremely dangerous. Also
, many studies illustrate that this
change significantlly
affects Correct your spelling
significantly
the
people's skills, personalities, abilities, and relationships because being far away from Correct article usage
apply
parents
is extremely harmful, useless, and dangerous.
In conclusion, even though this
development improved our lives and provided more financial resources, it caused many constant issues which are hard to lose, and the demerits surpass the merits; hence
, I beileve
that these changes are negative.Correct your spelling
believe
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on
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task achievement
Firstly, try to reduce repetition. Using synonyms or paraphrasing can help you avoid redundancy and make your argument more compelling. For example, repeating 'this development' several times can be avoided by using synonyms like 'these changes' or 'this shift.'
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in verb forms. For example, 'many transformations were happened' should be 'many transformations have happened.' This will improve the clarity of your sentences.
task achievement
Lastly, avoid using overly generalized terms such as 'extremely dangerous' or 'extremely harmful' without explaining or supporting them. Specificity can bolster your argument and make it more reliable.
coherence cohesion
This essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a structured framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the changing roles of men and women in KSA and the impact on childcare.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both the positives and negatives of the changes in family structure, showing a balanced perspective.