TOPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

#topic #years #structure #role #members #kinds #changes

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Nowadays, the individuals' spots in their families have dramatically changed. In

this

report, I will present examples of these changes, and

then

I will explain why I believe that it is a negative development.

To begin

with, many transformations

were happened

Change to the active voice

happened

have happened

show examples

in a variety of chores

such

as cooking, working, taking care of children, and cleaning.

For example

, in KSA, women used to be

responsibile

Correct your spelling

responsible

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

house work

Correct your spelling

housework

show examples

while

men

work

Wrong verb form

worked

show examples

to provide money, food, clothing, and personal products for the whole family.

However

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these days, on the one hand, the majority of females work and depend on themselves.

On the other hand

, males help with cleaning, cooking, and taking care of children.

Besides

that, in the past, children used to be engaged, but recently, a report captures that in a lot of

countries

Add a comma

countries,

show examples

parents

ask them to help their

parents

by making their beds and washing the dishes.

Moreover

although

this

development is helpful, useful, strategic, beneficial, and profitable, it leads to many issues. To illustrate that, many articles show that a lot of families depend on

house keepers

Correct your spelling

housekeepers

show examples

because both the mother and the father are workers, so they do not have enough time to do their chores.

Additionally

, some people share on the internet that because the

parents

have jobs, they keep their babies with strangers to take care of them which is extremely dangerous.

Also

, many studies illustrate that

this

change

significantlly

Correct your spelling

significantly

affects

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people's skills, personalities, abilities, and relationships because being far away from

parents

is extremely harmful, useless, and dangerous. In conclusion, even though

this

development improved our lives and provided more financial resources, it caused many constant issues which are hard to lose, and the demerits surpass the merits;

hence

, I

beileve

Correct your spelling

believe

that these changes are negative.

Submitted by haneenalnetaif on Wed May 15 2024

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task achievement

Firstly, try to reduce repetition. Using synonyms or paraphrasing can help you avoid redundancy and make your argument more compelling. For example, repeating 'this development' several times can be avoided by using synonyms like 'these changes' or 'this shift.'

coherence cohesion

Maintain consistency in verb forms. For example, 'many transformations were happened' should be 'many transformations have happened.' This will improve the clarity of your sentences.

task achievement

Lastly, avoid using overly generalized terms such as 'extremely dangerous' or 'extremely harmful' without explaining or supporting them. Specificity can bolster your argument and make it more reliable.

coherence cohesion

This essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a structured framework for your argument.

task achievement

You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the changing roles of men and women in KSA and the impact on childcare.

task achievement

You have successfully identified both the positives and negatives of the changes in family structure, showing a balanced perspective.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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TOPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

you have been offered a job overseas that you applied for. Write a letter to your friend who is already knows about that job as well. .Tell what kind of job it is .explain why you applied for this job .ask your friend about the country

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreighn language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information, therefore there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Technology)

In many countries, people now wear Western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?