Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Several people have
Correct article usage
the opini
opini
that kids Correct your spelling
opinion
are
must utilize their leisure Unnecessary verb
apply
time
to study more,based on my perspective I strongly disagree with this
argument. Therefore
, along with
this
essay
I am going to highlight Add a comma
essay,
few
Correct article usage
a few
the
disadvantages of that statement.
Change preposition
of the
To begin
with, nowadays, force
Wrong verb form
forcing
children
to use their free time
to study hard is
become Verb problem
has
misguide
Wrong verb form
misguided
due to
kids can not interact with each other. Moreover
, they can not lern
social life with their friend Correct your spelling
learn
consequently
it will harm their development. For instance
, my nighboor
his name is Rully Correct your spelling
neighbour
he
always Correct pronoun usage
apply
limit
their Change the verb form
limits
children
Change noun form
children's
time
to playing
with others eventually his soon not aware social life and Wrong verb form
play
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
Correct article usage
an introvet
introvet
person. Correct your spelling
introverted
In addition
, for mental health it is not good because children
can feel bored and they can frustated
with their circumstances Correct your spelling
frustrated
frustrate
besides
that kids could not
understand Wrong verb form
cannot
about
Change preposition
apply
society
cultures Change noun form
society's
due to
they never know Correct article usage
the habit
habit
around their environment. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
This
is also
guide
become individual nature.
Correct article usage
a guide
On the other hand
, using free time
to focus in
Change preposition
on
education
sector Correct article usage
the education
contain
several Change the verb form
contains
adventages
for Correct your spelling
advantages
children
who have passion
Correct article usage
a passion
in
education. Change preposition
for
This
activity can encourage students to immendietly
understand Correct your spelling
immediately
with
his lesson and they can achieve their target Change preposition
apply
fastly
than other Rephrase
faster
children
who tend to spent
their Change the verb
spend
time
to do
more leisure activities. in Change the verb form
doing
academic
aspect they can reach a good result Correct article usage
the academic
hence
they can enhance their ability rapidly.
In conclusion, parent
should give freedom choice Fix the agreement mistake
parents
for
their Change preposition
to
children
thus
children
not feel burdened with their parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
coice
and they can enhance their ability and knowledge Correct your spelling
choices
as
Change preposition
apply
natural
.Change the word
naturally
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion, which is very good. However, try to add more developed main points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, but it could be clearer. For example, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and try to use transition words to link your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. It would help if you proofread your essay and corrected these mistakes to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Good job on providing relevant specific examples, such as the anecdote about your neighbor Rully. Personal examples can make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which is great. This helps frame your argument and gives your essay a clear beginning and end.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.