Museum and Art Galleries should concentrate on work that show history and culture of their own country rather than work of the other part in the world.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Social places
such
as
museum
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museums
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and art galleries have an integral part in understanding
history
. It is,
therefore
, not surprising to see how it has caused a controversy among people about whether countries should focus
their
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on their
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own
history
and
culture
or not. Some people firmly support their argument,
others
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while others
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adamantly object to it. I have solid reasons to agree with both two of which are presenting their cultural heritage and giving
chance
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a chance
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to different cultures.
To begin
with, supporters of
this
matter claim that social place should show their own
culture
and
history
, especially for tourists who
are visit
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are visiting
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the country to learn more about the
country
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country's
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history
.
For instance
, İstanbul Modern Art Gallery includes popular artists’ works more than their local artists.
This
is
very
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a very
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convincing argument depending on
fact
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the fact
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that
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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various
situation
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situations
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can confuse
visitor
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visitors
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mind
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minds
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.
Also
, tourists want to observe places own
culture
. It leads to
lack
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a lack
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of considering countries own
history
and
culture
.
On the other hand
, intellectual activities like visiting
museum
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museums
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and art
gallery
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galleries
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link to exploring local life.
Therefore
, urban places should show only local experiences. The opponents of
this
matter have
a totally different perspectives
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a totally different perspective
totally different perspectives
show examples
about
this
debate. They emphasize that globalization impacts social
connection
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connections
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such
as international tourists. It may be argued
this
is very important as cultural heritage is part of
global
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the global
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World.
It is clear that
natural disasters and war
risk
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risks
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have a hazardous effect on historical pieces.
Therefore
,
protection
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the protection
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of world heritage is
responsibility
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the responsibility
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of everyone.
In other words
, preservation and bringing essential pieces of
history
to visitors is more important than where they are displayed.
For example
,
British
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the British
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Museum presents very crucial historical pieces about not only
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the antic
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antic
Capitalize word
Antic
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world but
also
the
roman empire
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Roman Empire
show examples
.
To sum up
, people have
a totally different perspectives
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a totally different perspective
totally different perspectives
show examples
about
this
matter.
Nevertheless
, when everything is taken into account, I am inclined to believe that there should be a delicate balance between these two arguments.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, continue to delve deeper into each argument, providing more specific examples and detailed analysis to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to work on the flow between your paragraphs and ideas. Use transitional phrases to make your essay read more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction clearly sets up the debate and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points, consider making your thesis statement more explicit in the introduction and explicitly restating your position in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay effectively presents a balanced perspective, discussing both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The use of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph helps to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
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