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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting

the graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting
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The bar chart displays demographic information consisting of the time dedicated by
businesses
Use synonyms
 on social media including their aim between 2012 to 2016. Upon analyzing the chart , it is evident that all three
businesses
Use synonyms
 illustrated an upward trend with numerous experiences of fluctuations. Literally , large
businesses
Use synonyms
 experienced the highest initial ratio
while
Linking Words
 small
businesses
Use synonyms
 illustrated the lowest rates. When we look closer at the chart ,it is revealed that Small
businesses
Use synonyms
 remained steady in the first 5 anniversaries with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of approximately 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
 ,
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 they demonstrated an obvious jump by growing gradually to 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively. Alternatively , the second figure Medium
Businesses
Use synonyms
 experienced a number of fluctuations.
Initially
Linking Words
 , they illustrated 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
, which
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
almost doubled the following
year
Use synonyms
. By 2014 they increased slightly , only 1-2 percent .
However
Linking Words
 the subsequent
year
Use synonyms
 they declined sharply to the initial rate of 30 percent. Certainly ,
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 they came back to their peak and ended with an approximate ratio of 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , Large
businesses
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook , and Instagram displayed the highest proportion
amongthe
Correct your spelling
among the
 3figures with an initial rate of exactly 78 per
cent
Use synonyms
. For the first 3
anniversaries
Add a comma
anniversaries,
show examples
 they remained in their positions.
However
Linking Words
 , by 2015 they dipped almost by half with a ratio of 50 percent . Fortunately , they returned their rank successfully by increasing sharply to 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words businesses, cent, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "displays" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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