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Band 4

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making progress, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making progress, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
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The illustrations indicate the phases and tools used in the
process
Use synonyms
 of making
cement
Use synonyms
, and the stages of using
cement
Use synonyms
 to manufacture concrete for building goals.
Overall
Linking Words
, the production of
cement
Use synonyms
 is a
five stage
Add a hyphen
five-stage
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, man-made, linear
process
Use synonyms
. It begins with turning a combination of limestone and clay as raw materials into powder and results in,
cement
Use synonyms
, being packed in bags. In concrete production,
cement
Use synonyms
, water, sand and
grave
Fix the agreement mistake
graves
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 as four raw ingredients with specific proportions, in a
two stage
Add a hyphen
two-stage
show examples
, man-made
process
Use synonyms
,
are
Correct word choice
and are
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 poured into
concrete
Correct article usage
the concrete
show examples
 mixer. First of all, in order to
making
Change the verb
make
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
, a mixture of clay and limestone is converted to powder, using
crusher
Correct article usage
a crusher
show examples
, and
then
Linking Words
, that goes into a mixer. Following that, it gets affected by an external heat in a rotating heater and
Linking Words
subsequently
Add a comma
subsequently,
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 the product is put on a grinder and at
last
Linking Words
, the final product, which is the
cement
Use synonyms
, is packed into bags. In the
process
Use synonyms
 of making concrete, four raw ingredients,
named
Replace the word
namely
show examples
,
cement
Use synonyms
, water, sand and small stones,
also
Linking Words
 known as gravel, are poured into a concrete mixer by following proportions respectively, 15%, 10%, 25% and 50%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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