Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is a good trend, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #trend

Certain individuals believe that businesses promoting their products and services by funding games is a negative trend

however

others think that it has a multitude of benefits. In

this

essay, both arguments will be examined to explore reasons for

such

kinds of beliefs.

Additionally

, I completely favour the positive results obtained through companies supporting sports

although

a certain degree of caution has to be exercised. In the contemporary era, the sportsmen or the authorities are trying to find investors to assist them and in

exchange

Add a comma

exchange,

show examples

they get

benefit

Add an article

the benefit

show examples

of advertising their company. It is a creative method to revive some games in which

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

has lost

Remove the article

apply

show examples

interest.

Besides

this

, investors are rewarded

Change preposition

with

show examples

a substantial increase in their sales and profits. To exemplify, In India, many actors started playing soccer by creating a league event and many businesses funded them. In return,

youth

Add an article

the youth

a youth

show examples

of the country started taking an interest in the event.

Consequently

, there is a massive gain in the number of people playing soccer in India and the game is revived by these efforts.

On the contrary

, the advertising persuasion of the fans of a game is sometimes so strong that it affects the critical thinking of an individual. There are a plethora of vulnerable people who get eroded by the allure of advertisers. To illustrate

this

, nowadays, the trend of betting playbooks is at its zenith which are promoted

along with

hockey league matches.

Thus

, many of the fanatics among them lose their money which

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

them into financial instability. In conclusion, the benefits of the funding have a significant impact on a game and the way

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

perceived by the public. Ergo, countries need many athletes in different categories of athletic events so

this

is the way to promote it.

On the other hand

, some challenges are there but can be overcome by awareness. From my perspective, companies are helping sports through promotions.

Submitted by Kiran on Wed May 15 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate slightly more on your points, especially the disadvantages of companies sponsoring sports. Providing additional specific examples or statistical data could make your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

In some parts of the essay, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward expressions. Consider refining your grammar and sentence structure to improve readability.

coherence cohesion

It is advisable to use more transitional phrases and linking words to further strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs and within your arguments.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are clear, summarizing the points discussed effectively.

supported main points

You provided relevant and concrete examples to support your arguments, which helps in illustrating your points.

complete response

You have addressed both sides of the argument and provided a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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