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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart graph displayed the rate for number of house-owners and renters in1918 to 2011

The bar chart graph displayed the rate for number of house-owners and renters in1918 to 2011
The provided bar chart indicates how many
people
Use synonyms
 owned or rented
houses
Use synonyms
 over a
ninty
Correct your spelling
ninety
 three-year period. It can be clearly seen that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who purchased
houses
Use synonyms
 increased moderately over the period.
However
Linking Words
,there was a slight decline for renters during the time of years. In 1918 the
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
achivied
Correct your spelling
achieved
 accommodation was just over 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.(Which was the lowest amount over the whole period).Surprisingly the percentage of
people
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 who owned
houses
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 the same as
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 that rented them exactly 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1971.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the trend the average of
people
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 who bought
houses
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 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2011.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the number of renters was roughly 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1918.(Which was the highest
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 over the
ninty
Correct your spelling
last
 three years).In the next
eighty three
Add a hyphen
eighty-three
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 years It hit the bottom nearly 30
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2001 and
then
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who rented
houses
Use synonyms
 was approximately 35% in 2011.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, houses, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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