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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of marriages and divorces in the USA from 1930 to 2010

The charts below show the number of marriages and divorces in the USA from 1930 to 2010
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The two bar graphs illustrate the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were married and divorced in the USA between 1930 and 2010. One notable thing is that the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 married and divorced
people
Use synonyms
 show similarities over
time
Use synonyms
. At the beginning of
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 period, over one million
people
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 married and
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 increased consistently until 1950. It over doubled in 1950.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
dirvorced
Correct your spelling
divorced
people
Use synonyms
 experienced an increase from roughly 190,000 to 600,000 between 1930 and 1960.
However
Linking Words
, both married and divorced
people
Use synonyms
 started to decline from 1960 and 1970, respectively. It is
also
Linking Words
 easy to notice that the
number
Use synonyms
 of marriages and
dirvorces
Correct your spelling
divorces
 showed dramatically an increase from 1990.
People
Use synonyms
 over 1.5 million married and about 450,000
people
Use synonyms
 divorced in 1990.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those figures skyrocketed until the
last
Linking Words
 year of
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 period. In 2010, the
number
Use synonyms
 of married
people
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 over 3.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,
theyby
Correct your spelling
thereby
they
 demonstrating an increase of 3.5 times compared to the
beginnig
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the period.
In addition
Linking Words
, the divorced
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
remarked
Verb problem
reached
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 high at the same
time
Use synonyms
, with a figure of over 100,000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it Is clear that
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 of married and divorced
people
Use synonyms
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
remarkabley
Correct your spelling
remarkably
remarkable
 similar changes between 1930 and 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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