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Band 5

Some people think that all unviersity students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #unviersity #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 many gigantic
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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 education factors due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job opportunities.
Due to
this
 effect, a group of people believe that
colleage
Correct your spelling
college
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
motivated
Add a missing verb
are motivated
show examples
 to pick the course subjects that they want,
while
 some people believe that only
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and technology subjects should
be allow
Change the verb form
be allowed
show examples
while
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it will
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 provided positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future.
For
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 both of the ideas
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 benefit and might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fit in some situations.
To begin
 with, the opinion of choosing the subject that they want,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity and good performance for the
student
.
Firstly
, most of the
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 of the
student
generated
Add a missing verb
is generated
show examples
 when they do the specific task or study that they like which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to improvement on the work in the future.
For example
, when I was young, I
like
Wrong verb form
liked
show examples
 solving math
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 so I
have chosen
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major that
related
Add a missing verb
was related
show examples
 to
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
show examples
 that
it help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 me to perform better
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and future work.
Furthermore
, good performance could
possible
Change the adjective
possibly
show examples
 happen when we like the specific job rather than perform the job
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 pressure
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Secondly
, the thriving society mostly
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
colleage
Correct your spelling
college
 students
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 studying major science and technology because these
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
 help them back after their career path in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of personal benefits and social economic development. As we have seen,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 studied these two main majors, mostly
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
got high compensation and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of opportunities which possible to help
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. Meanwhile, these majors
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
 enable the local
student
 to work abroad
for generating
Change preposition
to generate
show examples
 income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their country. In conclusion, I do believe that both choices of choosing the subject that they want to study
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
colleges
 and choosing only the potential majors
such
 as science and technology provided the same benefit to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and themself but that should
be analyze
Change the verb form
be analyzed
show examples
 more clearly for each personal decision for the major that they want to
purpue
Correct your spelling
pursue
purple
 in the university because it could possible give versatile impact both negative and
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 impact based on an individual decision.
Submitted by chamrouensann.edu on

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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and punctuation to avoid basic errors which can sometimes impede understanding. e.g., 'unviersity' should be 'university', 'colleage' should be 'college', and should be consistent in the use of singular or plural forms.
support
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported with detailed, relevant examples. This can help enhance the strength and persuasiveness of your arguments.
vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions accurately to achieve more variety and sophistication in your language.
content
The essay provides a balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints.
summary
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and presents the writer's personal opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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