Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?
While
many believe that some people's successful achievement is somewhat happened by luck, others argue that precise plans and continuity of hands on
are keys to Add a hyphen
hands-on
achieve
anything Change the verb form
achieving
instead
. The reason why I agree with the latter statement will be elaborated on in this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to claim that a person achieved
Wrong verb form
achieving
one
's goal is a result of one
's fortune. This
is possibly
because Replace the adverb
possible
that
their milestone Correct word choice
apply
are
Change the verb form
is
hindrance
as if it Fix the agreement mistake
hindrances
impossible
to make it Add a missing verb
is impossible
for
the outsider's perspective. Take Change preposition
from
Iphone
, Correct your spelling
iPhone
for example
; though it is thought to be believe
that their products will Wrong verb form
believed
outwin
the other Correct your spelling
outwit
out win
smartphone's
Change noun form
smartphone
brand
in a competitive Fix the agreement mistake
brands
world's
market share, several Change noun form
world
though
Correct your spelling
thought
this
could happen one
in a million.
However
, I personally argue in favor
of Change the spelling
favour
hardworkship
seeing that everything Correct your spelling
hard workshop
happened
for a Wrong verb form
happens
reasons
. To simply explain, nothing in Correct the article-noun agreement
reason
this
world would occured
by luck, yet their Correct your spelling
occur
occurred
thouroughly
plans and constant training to pursue their goals are essential factors to make Correct your spelling
thorough
this
possible. For example
, it is widely known by every highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
students
that a Fix the agreement mistake
student
renown
top rank university Replace the word
renowned
such
as Cambridge university
Capitalize word
University
are
only reserved for the smartest Change the verb form
is
one
, still, plenty of students who are not considered as Correct pronoun usage
ones
genious
were accepted to the school Correct your spelling
genius
due to
their hardwork
toward Correct your spelling
hard work
the
studies.
In summary, Change the word
their
although
it is undeniable that some aims might occurred
by chance, I am of the opinion Change the verb form
occur
in
through detailed plan and hard work in order to make their dreams come true.Change preposition
that
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and provides some relevant examples. However, there are areas for improvement. Ensure that each main point is fully explained and supported by specific details. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay is generally clear with a logical structure. However, there are occasional lapses in coherence where sentences or ideas do not flow smoothly. Work on using more transition words and phrases to link your ideas more effectively.
language use
Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or unclear. Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to make your writing more precise. For example, the phrase 'hardworkship' should be corrected to 'hard work.'
language use
Aim for syntactic variety to make your essay more engaging. Try to use more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer’s position on it. This provides a good foundation for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s viewpoint and reinforces the main points made in the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.