Q. Cases of bullying in school are increasing and worsening. What do you think are the cause of this? How can we tackle this issue?

Occurrences of student prosecution at formal learning facilities are growing and magnifying. The lack of guidance at home may contribute to the creation of bullying
behaviour
.
While
this
is a serious problem, it can be solved by maintaining a good relationship between
parents
and their children.
Parents
need to be aware that their own actions can affect how their
kids
behave.
Hence
, If they see or feel unpleasant
behaviour
carried out by their
parents
, they can reciprocate
this
behaviour
to others.
For example
,
kids
with abusive
parents
may hold a grudge and will vent their anger to their fellow classmates at school.
Hence
, the home environment plays a crucial part in solving
this
issue. Proper guidance and role models at home can help to establish good morals in children. It does not mean that as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a parent
parents
show examples
parents
you need to always tell your
kids
how to act properly, but showing good manners is more than enough for the
kids
to learn from. Afterwards, those
kids
will be equipped with good ethical knowledge so that they will not tolerate bullying
behaviour
.
For example
, if the father always helps people in need, the child will imitate him, whether the father tells the child to do
this
or not. In conclusion, domestic acts may contribute to the creation of bullying
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Whereas
typically a genuine issue, it can be illuminated by keeping up a great relationship between guardians and their loved ones.
Submitted by Azami on

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task achievement
You have done a good job explaining the causes of bullying and providing solutions. However, try to elaborate a bit more on the solutions to give a more comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and concise introduction. Although your introduction mentions the growth of bullying, it can be more explicit in stating the main causes and solutions that you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for occasional grammar and phrasing errors, such as 'Occurrences of student prosecution' instead of 'Occurrences of student bullying'. However, these inaccuracies do not significantly impede understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-organized structure with a clear problem-solution approach. This helps the reader follow your arguments easily.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, tying your arguments together neatly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer pressure
  • role models
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behaviors
  • anti-bullying policies
  • enforcement
  • psychological effects
  • cyberbullying
  • pervasive
  • guidance
  • escalate
  • awareness
  • exposure to violent media
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