Q. Cases of bullying in school are increasing and worsening. What do you think are the cause of this? How can we tackle this issue?
Occurrences of student prosecution at formal learning facilities are growing and magnifying. The lack of guidance at home may contribute to the creation of bullying
behaviour
. While
this
is a serious problem, it can be solved by maintaining a good relationship between parents
and their children.
Parents
need to be aware that their own actions can affect how their kids
behave. Hence
, If they see or feel unpleasant behaviour
carried out by their parents
, they can reciprocate this
behaviour
to others. For example
, kids
with abusive parents
may hold a grudge and will vent their anger to their fellow classmates at school. Hence
, the home environment plays a crucial part in solving this
issue.
Proper guidance and role models at home can help to establish good morals in children. It does not mean that as a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a parent
parents
parents
you need to always tell your kids
how to act properly, but showing good manners is more than enough for the kids
to learn from. Afterwards, those kids
will be equipped with good ethical knowledge so that they will not tolerate bullying behaviour
. For example
, if the father always helps people in need, the child will imitate him, whether the father tells the child to do this
or not.
In conclusion, domestic acts may contribute to the creation of bullying behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Whereas
typically a genuine issue, it can be illuminated by keeping up a great relationship between guardians and their loved ones.Submitted by Azami
on
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task achievement
You have done a good job explaining the causes of bullying and providing solutions. However, try to elaborate a bit more on the solutions to give a more comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and concise introduction. Although your introduction mentions the growth of bullying, it can be more explicit in stating the main causes and solutions that you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for occasional grammar and phrasing errors, such as 'Occurrences of student prosecution' instead of 'Occurrences of student bullying'. However, these inaccuracies do not significantly impede understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-organized structure with a clear problem-solution approach. This helps the reader follow your arguments easily.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, tying your arguments together neatly.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?